2 packs of newports sitting in our mailbox with a pint of jack daniels-

2 PaCks of Newports red and greenish blue hue,
siytting in my mailbox by 2 AM too night
because i am clearly
losing this fight,
i think nothing worse
then childbirth….nothing worse/childbirth.

upside down world

Upside down world-2/14/2020

what lies beneath
this upside down world
is an upside down girl
melting inside
a broken down world.

what lies beneath
this dirty icy gravel
a muddy pile
of twisted leaves
and branches of a smile

the tears linger longer
then the make up gives way
to stained cheeks.

what lies beneath
a pile of grief
a broken down world
for an upside down girl.


yearning- 2/13/2020

i yearn for years
yearn for a missed pathway
i stumbled across.

too frightened to cross
too frightened to pass
it’s stony ridges and cracked in creases.

broken pavements
a stepping stone
instead i chose to walk alone
and then for years, you were not here
i have yearned
for a thousand ages

now it feels much too late
i saw a recent photograph
of your face.
Also a beautiful woman.
you have clearly moved on
without me.

Fairy tales

Fairy Tales- 1/5/2020

whispering zen masters
whispering drunks
whispering pagans
pounding on empty drums.
haunted by memories
of moments
long passed me by
on the wayside

mother maiden and crone
which phase of this moon am i?
by the flame
of this flickering candle
lies an unspoken

dusty by the winds
of time
as i listen
for music
that this wind makes
as the breeze passes me by.

My Muse

My muse is both
Ancient and contemporary.
She’s a bit of sharp
and pointy knives
like little bits
of Dorthy Parker.

My muse is feminine
sleek like a shadow
shaped like an hour glass
a beauty like Marilyn Monroe
but also a dirty beast
like Anais Nin.

My muse
is cloaked in invisibility
she whispers ever so

I write words

into random pieces
filled with
sharply razor thin poetry.

Feb 1st 2020

Waiting on a phone call?

just aching
to hear your voice
on the telephone call?

please call me
i need to hear
the sexy laughter again
and remember
how great it would be
if you took me to bed with you?

i miss my friend.
the one with the
rainy eyes full of storm and sea
where the bluest clouds meet
circling like clouds above his feet?

daddys girl

daddys girl- 1/29/2020
Always been a daddys girl
but he was mentally ill
and very disturbed.
A complete and utter
narrassatic personality
traits i inheirted from him.
becoming very self absorbed, neurotic and hysteronic.

my parents both had very dark brown eyes.
but as i look into the mirror i see a mismatch.
my mamas face with
my Father’s burning
and glaring
deep black eyes.

ghosts of you

ghosts of you
for Thaddeus Rahula Swartz

I’m haunted
by the ghost
of your twin eyes
a pair of
perfect flames.

I’m haunted
by the embrace
of your loving arms
-only meant for other angels-
not sinners like me.

I look for your reflection
in every pool of water
I ve ever seen.

I gaze for you
in every crystal
that I find

but your love
was never meant
for me or my kind.

the lips of an angel
grace my temples
in sheer moonlight
grace my temples

as I hide my bare feet.
I walk on Hallowed ground.
For this the love of an Angel
was never mine nor made for my kind.

Yet I will continue
to risk danger
to confront all fear
only just
to have you
somewhere near.