Broken- by Emily H. Sturgill
Bipolar disorder broke my brain in two poles.
With my medications I walk a tightrope between these poles
depression and mania…..I try daily to slip into the inbetweenness of these two things.
medicine helps but it does not cure. It only helps to contain a balance of semi-stability.
So yes I”ve got a broken brain.
Also I’ve got a broken Uterus. I have Endometriosis Stage 4. A fancy way of brokeness…
I hurt a lot of the time. It’s the worst whenever I am bleeding. Crumpled into layers of pain cramping aching stabbing screaming agony of pain. I’m hurting today in fact. Despite my period not due for two more days my broken uterus spits brownish blood and I know that means to hell with the calendars my period’s starting early. Up until 2015 I was taking opiods for the pain. Then I went through the process of applying for a medical marijuana card. I got off opiods. Now instead of pain daily from my endometriosis I’ve only got pain during my periods and during ovulation…..
A broken Uterus. A history of Infertility. Two pregnancies=Two miscarriages.
It’s a fancy form of brokeness. It’s a double whammy. A broken brain. A broken Uterus.
But deep down inside beneath all of the broken things is my poetry is my stories is my spirit and my soul-even beneath all of that is my heart which is strong unflinching warm and consistently unbroken. It beats on and on-unbroken. And beneath this broken brain and broken uterus is an unbroken girl grasping at straws and pulling like weeds from the ground fistfulls of words which fall to my feet into puddles of poetry.
In Jan 2019 I have two of my kindle ebooks on Kindle Countdown Sales. The first is my collection of artworks called “Art before Words.” The normal kindle price is $9.99 but starting tomorrow Jan 11,2019 at 8:00AM PST it will just be 99 cents. Between Jan 12-16th the price will increase by $1.00 per day until it hits $4.99.It will stay $4.99 until Jan 18th 12:00 AM PST. My second kindle e-book on sale is a book I was fortunate enough to edit. It’s a wonderful anthology of poetry by various poets I met through my blog. It’s called “Dredging up Demeter: An Autumn Anthology of poetry.” Edited by Emily H. Sturgill. It’s normally priced at $3.33 but under this sale from Jan 11,2019 at 8:00AM PST it will be available for only 99 cents. On Jan 14th the price will increase to $1.99 and will stay that price until Jan 18th 2019.
Freebies in Jan 2019.
I have six ebooks that I am offering free promotions for. The first one is called,”A mandala that happened on the way to a car crash & other stories.” This will be free starting today Jan 10,2019 at 10:00AM PST until Monday Jan 14th at 11:59 PM PST. This is a really exciting book for me to write. Primarily I do write mostly poetry but this book is my first attempt at short stories and fiction. I would love any feedback my readers can give me if they choose to download this book and read it. You can leave feedback on my Author’s page at http://www.amazon.com/Emily-Sturgill/e/B00B1GC5LY.
The second freebie is my very first ebook, “Sex in the kitchen sink: poetry and art.”by Emily H. Sturgill. It will be free starting tomorrow Jan 11th 2019 12:00AM-Jan 15th 2019 11:59PM PST. The third free book is a collection of poetry called “Red Bones.”by Emily H. Sturgill. It will be free starting Monday Jan 21, 2019 12:00AM PST-Jan 25, 2019 11:59 PM.
The fourth e-book that will be available for free downloads is very special to me. It is my very first Anthology of Poetry. It was started as a project on this blog asking for poets to submit their work. Normally it only costs 99 cents but you can get it free from Jan 21st 2019 at 12:00AM PST-Jan 25th at 11:59 PM. All of my books are available by visiting Amazon.com at this link: http://www.amazon.com/Emily-Sturgill/e/B00B1GC5LY. This wonderful Anthology is called,”Help Wanted: poets please apply.” Edited by Emily H. Sturgill.
The last two freebies are older ebooks on the kindle by me. They are both poetry collections. But they both deal with aspects of my bipolar disorder. My fifth free ebook is called “On the brink letters to the madness+poems & pictures,” and my sixth free ebook is it’s sequel “On the brink letters to the madness+poems & pictures Vol 2.” both are free starting Jan 28th 2019 at 12:00AM PST-Jan 30th 2019 at 11:59PM PST.
All of my poetry and artist chapbooks can be found at Amazon.com.
Please follow this link if your interested: http://www.amazon.com/Emily-Sturgill/e/B00B1GC5LY.
words fall out
rapidly, like a fire-hose.
words fall down
sideways stumble and stretching
into a staircase.
words bubble upwards
lifting my soul
higher and higher.
words flake off
lightly, longingly into
a stream of
My body trembles
when you say my name.
With a simple touch,
I resolve to dust.
As We make love,
the earth shifts on it’s axis.
As I rotate slightly beneath the warmth
of your sun. everything.everything. it’s everything shaking.
You feel hard.
You feel large.
You feel like, my earthquake, baby.
is my rock solid.
is my better half.
is the Algebra in my equation that equals perfect math.
He is my best friend. He is my morning Song his heart is my home. It’s somewhere we both belong. He is my husband his star is bright and sincere. He has the bluest eyes they reflect a sea, a soul so deep, the blue of a thousand skies. I get lost in a stare. And, Marriage is a promise that we keep, a love that binds….
I’ve been lost…
among my mood-swings
among my Mania and Depression
I’ve been lost…
among bottles of prescriptions
and the hum-drum drag of stability.
I stopped somewhere and forgot
the pulsing throbbing desire
to write words down
into the slip of a
I’ve been lost…
among blank empty pages
blank whiten unpainted canvases
and the ever growing lonely mess
of my soul.
I’ve been lost…
will I ever come back?
but right now I just don’t know.
Deep desert of desolation
Easy to slip into
Restricted access to breathe.
Evenly spaced out.
Seldom talked about.
Sickness deeply felt.
The Table top poem by Emily Sturgill
A woman filled with the mourning of
the loss of her husband
put his hunting jacket on the table.
She also placed his fishing gear, hooks and tackle on the table.
She put her memories of him into their children and grandchildren.
The stories he would tell She put the words into her dry mouth telling
them to all who would listen especially on the holidays.
After 40 years of marriage a stranger murdered her husband.
She had never met this stranger before but he was introduced to the couple
three years before her husband’s death as Stomach Cancer.
Unfortunately due to her grief the woman has to be reminded of the happy times She had with her husband by her children and friends. The couple with one half missing now have a great grandchild.
She changes into her nightgown putting her heart on her sleeve and goes to bed into a dreamless sleep.
Written for Gary and Deborah Sturgill in 2011. Gary passed in April 2006.
Tomorrow I will be offering three of my poetry and artist chapbooks as free downloads off amazon.com’s kindle platform. The titles of these books are:
- Sex in the kitchen sink : poetry and art
- Once I was the rain poetry and artwork
- Red Bones: poetry and artwork
all can be found on my author’s page. Here is a link:
The free sale runs for five days starting tomorrow. If you download and enjoy please consider submitting a review on my author’s page.
loose lipped tangles of sentences
poetry and prose and stories
tumbling out in a dry spell
words in a spin cycle washing away
confusion and empty pages
pouring down a page
like so much rain
washing away writer’s block
covering an inky stain
writing on repeat
tumble dry low
and add fabric softner.