I always seem
to wax poetic and day-dream
all the best of my musings
unto my blog.
, because I wanted to:
save the best for last.
I want to take all the good ramblings and rantings,
and wrap them up into
a velvet handkerchief
saving them up for a stew.
Saving the gravy of random crazy-
poetry to drip into my newest chapbook.
It seems like I cannot quite help myself,
I start typing and all my poem-thoughts
get out. They escape running crazy like chickens
who have their heads all cut off,
and the bodies cannot seem to grasp it at all.
So they run and dance upon my little blog.
Like poetry misfits, just waiting until
somebody catches a glance
in their stubborn direction.
My poems try to fly away,
and they flew the coop.
Geez, what a mess!!
I am trying very hard,
to save the best for last.
I am looking for the light
at the end of the tunnel,
I am trying to locate the bright side-
I am trying to find and then analyze,
the silver lining in the gray storm clouds which
to my everlasting annoyance hang out
beside my brow under my head…
I am trying to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow,
the butterfly breaking loose out of her cocoon.
I am trying to not worry so ever much
that I hold onto this mantle
of doom and gloom.
For everything there is a price you pay,
For every stray thought or feeling or word,
you might say, there is a consequence.
There is always an end result to any hypothetical
hypothesis, to any purely scientific, mathematical, theoretical
equation. There is always an answer.
So when in doubt,
go bravely out into the big
crazy world, gather facts, data and then find out-
your very own answer.
Because in our ever-expanding, mind-blowing
universe there are several.
Answers I mean. To any one questions, at any one time,
it will blow your mind.
Reach as far as your fat fist will travel,
grasp every bit of pure white light imaginable,
and cling fast and hard
to both Hope and Faith.
Never assume you know the truth,
go out and discover the bits and pieces
of your hungry self.
But beyond all this;
try to locate the bright side beneath all the darkness.
Look for the light which dances among shadows,
it is a choice to pick one or the other-
which one to pay attention to-the shadows or the
pretty white gleam of happiness, pleasure, and pure joy.
Nervous Kinetic Enegry,
spirals out of the life of me.
Once had nerves of steel,
but now long gone-
so damn nervous, tell me this time-
what did I do or say wrong?
A Lady called me today.
Straight out of the big blue.
A person-a somebody-I didn’t knew.
She was asking about a job application I made-
nearly seven weeks ago…
She was pop-quizzing me,
as if I would recall the exact details
of the job or company.
I have been applying to so many…
its easy to lose track
its easy to lose track fast.
She almost scheduled the interview with me,
but something made her pause to say,
can i give you a call back???
I am left holding the bag,
wondering if I blew the whole thing already,
or if she will in fact call back,
Gosh, I hope so…I am sitting on pins and needles.
Way too much kinetic energy-
with no-place, to go.
I just know, that by now,
its high time, that I finally get a job.
I really need a job Now, not yesterday
nor tomorrow, but right away
in the present moment,
in the blink of an eye
and the wink of my tongue.
I need me some gluing
so I do not become
These are some of the drawings I put together as a last minute portfolio for a job interview at The Detroit Institute of Arts, last week. That was before the huge announcement that the city of Detroit was filing for chapter 9 bankruptcy. I did get an email yesterday saying I did not get the job. It would have been as a studio assistant, helping during art-making workshops at the DIA. I would have really loved it but they said no. All the artwork here-except-the cartoon about wanting a job-was part of my portfolio. there were other pieces too. I think I just do not have advanced enough technical drawing skills.
I had a job interview today. I wrote this poem before leaving for my interview:
Trying to focus
on new and exciting
Life opens a crack
as I pause, breathe,
than Smile back.
Hopeful for the future.
Eager for new beginnings
wanting with a full
a brand new start.
The infertile piece of my mind,
where the words refuse to root and grow-
where the sentences become silence
and i fight to find words-
in fact I am grasping at straws.
Unable to summon an image,
like a old black and white Polaroid picture-
I take my time
try to beat out a rhyme.
Why do we write?
Why write something as old-fashioned,
I ask these questions to my soul,
wondering what words
will fall next
across my page,
as I am just mutely
in a deep dank daze.
somedays the right words,
they never come.
other days, i am full of verbage,
full of riddles, full of phrases, half-baked imagery.
Being a poet is never easy.
Though there are some, who make it look so.
The roar of the fan, in the summer morning heat,
Like a quiet Lion, never missing a beat.
And my mind soldiers on empty.
a poem left incomplete.
grasping at straws,
longing to say
something significant-in some kind of way.
Starting today June 15, 2013, my very first collection of poetry and Artwork is free to download off of Amazon.com’s kindle. It is called,”Sex in the kitchen sink: Poetry and Art.” The promo will last 5 days from today 6/15/13-6/19/13.
Here is a direct link to download a copy: http://www.amazon.com/Sex-kitchen-sink-poetry-ebook/dp/B00AY8B0ES/ref=sr_1_5_title_1_kin?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1371349813&sr=1-5
June 22-26th, On the brink: Vol One will have a free download promo on kindle.
June 26-27 Art before words will have a brief 48 hour promo.
June 28-July 2 On the Brink : vol 2 will have a free kindle download promotion.
July 4-July 8 Mythology seen through metaphor: word salad 1.5 will be on promo.
July 13-July 17 Dreamcatcher and other poems, will have a free promo period on kindle.
August 16-August 20th Butterfly Rimmed eyeglasses and the trouble with Tuesdays will be also availoable to download for free.
August 25-August 29, 2013 There will be a free kindle promotion of the poetry and art chapbook called, “Lavender Surprise.”
To take advantage of all or any of these free promo days please visit my Authors page at amazon.com – that link is : http://www.amazon.com/author/emilysturgill.
Also it would mean the world to me if you do download something, even if its free, would you consider leaving a review on amazon.com for me? Reviews help me piece together,
areas in which i need improvement or areas that i excel at. Reviews also help me in general during the non-promotional periods with other potential readers or buyers of my work.
Just simply giving your opinion is easy enough to do. And even if itsa negative review, there is something i can learn from. If it is a positive review, even better!!! Just be honest and speak your mind, whatever you think, it would help me a great deal!!! I am still very new to self-publishing. And even new to blogging-i only started this blog in nov 2012.
It was a nice suprise when other writers started subscribing to my blog! I was thrilled to even have 20 followers-now i have lost count-but quite a few. My readers in what inspired me to publish my first artist and poetry chapbook, ” Sex in the kitchen Sink: poems and artwork .”by Emily H. Sturgill. If you have not read it, get a free copy today!!
Frustration mounts…and eats my soul away.
Devouring me from the inside out.
I will never be able to be normal,
and I don’t know what that’s all about….
I’m just another random head-case,
trapped beneath a system of doubt.
a broken down merry-go-wheel ride,
of social security benefits and random poverty.
I would love if just one of my nameless,
faceless republican family or friends,
would attempt to live high on the horse,
with my government income of barely $6,000.00 per year.
They make such a big deal out of,
that fact that i should be “grateful” for benefits…
Grateful, for what for being even more poor, than everybody else?
I make way less than min. wage
I should have never gone to college anyway.
Or the University, what a joke!
My older sister skipped all the academics,
worked very hard on her way to the top, too.
But she did not play a fool,
as I tend to do.
I wasted 19 years of my life in college or at the university.
I cannot help but be bitter by it.
Now what i owe in student loans, could buy a fancy house,
which i will never afford.
I do not even qualify to get hired at a min. wage job.
My mind today is set on meltdown.
So much frustration,
Ever hear of the so-called – law of attraction?
According to this ever popular theory,
I choose a mental illness
to become my entire life-story.
I choose a life with poverty, crime, being a victim of
both a few violent muggings and a couple of rapes.
Somehow, this was all decided by me.
I say bullshit to that.
I am not flowery or happy today.
Today I am just me, brittle, bruised and feeling
Apparently, they only called to say that they,
“like” me, but not enough to actually “hire” me.
Whipee! I have gotten my fair share of phone calls,
that fall into this category.
She wanted to keep my application on file for future
reference-(so they reject me again? oh boy!) Sure is how I answered.
She also wanted to pass my application along,
to other agencies that they work with-
Sure, great, I said-
as I could feel my brain on meltdown,
the feeling of dread…nobody ever is going to hire me?
As much, as i try to remain focused and positive,
I keep getting massive and multiple rejections,
at each and every fork in the world…
At the end of our conversation, she could not wait
to tell me what an “awesome artist” I am.
Very talented. Not everybody is so lucky.
as an art therapist, i really disregarded, the compliment.
I felt literally-and still feel-that that is total bullshit.
I did not verbally say that to her,
instead I explained as an Art therapist, I believe that
Everybody has the power to make art- all it takes is practice.
No, no, no she assured me, “You have a Gift.”
Well yes, I do. I have the gift of never finding a damn job…
I’ve been looking over 18 months.
I am either OVER-qualified OR UNDER-qualify.
I can never get it right.
Getting so frustrated,
just wanna give up this dumb fight.