Coffee-colored morning

Black coffee-colored morning

glory…listening to music.

I ponder the singular, the slight of hand, the parlor trick;

the impact of music on my morning mind.

 

Yet it is well past noon.

cloaked in a beat up nightgown,

and not much else,

wondering how…

to get my butt into gear again.

 

words hang like little

thought bubbles above my head

but if i try to catch them

they rupture instead.

 

The crisis of a blank page

staring back at me,

on a whim and dare.

 

I’m like a black-jack dealer

dealing out emotions instead of cards.

The slight in hand, poetry involves

in invoking an image or a mood

to entice the reader.

 

I try to take you along for the ride

in the spin-cycle of my dirty mind.

Some poems fall flat. Others, i can revive

with a bit of CPR if only I tried.

 

To breathe life into ?

words?

Poetry much like reason,

escapes me momentarily.

 

I sometimes find,

I say an awful lot about

nothing at all.

For a friend

A friend of mine from Good Reads is publishing her very first book this summer.

I think if you click on the link, the blog for the book speaks for itself here is a link: http://theapocalypsefiles.blogspot.com/p/the-book.html

Check it out to see if you maybe interested. If you are please sign up to follow her blog. Thanks, guys.

Putting out wild fires

I have had 6 reviews so far as an Author on Amazon.com. 4 of the 6 were high praise. But 2 of the 6 were from the same person making very negative statements on my work, just one in particular, My “Memoirs recalled Madness: a personal account of living with bipolar disorder.” (2013) by Emily Sturgill. This young lady wrote basically that even though she bought my paperback she deemed it unworthy of reading due to grammar errors.

At the time, I was highly offended. But it was also close to the time, when I was becoming hypo-manic in May. I made harsh statements due to being so taken off-guard and did not respond in a professional way. Now there is a second woman leaving negative statements as comments, based on my over-reaction in trying to defend my work.

So I choose to simply re-edit it and re-release it. Then I attempted to apologize to both women.

You, know you cannot please everyone all of the time. I feel lucky to have positive reviews at all. And I have also said even if you have nothing nice to say, that perhaps it would make me a better writer for that. I have never discouraged negative reviews-I think I try to be receptive to any feedback of all kinds.

I don’t know. I still feel shaken up about the whole thing. I still have trouble understanding how someone would pay so much for a paperback then refused to read it due to grammar errors. Like for me, if she had actually read it-which she claims she did not-and judged it poorly on the basis on how I said things or content-what I was writing about THEN wrote a bad review-well then ok BRING IT ON. But to admit you never finished reading it and then review that the whole thing must suck due to errors you found in the first ten pages? Huh? The book is 88 pages long. I know I am more touchy about it, for a few reasons. First it’s based on my real-life story events. As well and as personal as I could tell them. Second, that is not my typical type of writing or genre.I mostly wrote just poems and prose. There’s a reason for that. I do not have the attention span some other Authors do to develop a plot and to really stick with it. Develop characters not to mention a solid beginning, middle and end.

Still, in my defense, I have been told many times that I write well. The responses between the two other woman towards me were just plain ugly.I felt like I was being-cyber-bullied!!! At the same time, I feel they have a right to their opinion. My loving husband disagrees. He reported their comments as abuse to Amazon. He cited them or at least the first person to be making personal attacks. I’m not sure how that works. They did not use obscenities or anything like that they were just both so very mean. My mistake, was ever commenting on the review in the first place-it added fuel to the fire. Now I am trying to put out wild fires. I realize as an Author, or Artist or Poet-you are putting yourself out there. People may not like your work, in fact they may even hate it. But sometimes, it is hard to separate who you are as a person from the work that you do. In spite of all the really wonderful reviews, the bad and ugly reviews stick out like a sore thumb. And that is MY PROBLEM-not theirs. I need a thicker skin.

If any other self-published authors out there have advice on this? Please comment on my blog. I have no idea what I am doing wrong. Obviously, I did not run a spell-check and grammar-check before publishing my memoirs. That’s my bad judgement there. I do not really use the spell-check feature when writing poetry or prose, because it’s different. When writing poems you may not want a capital letter at the beginning of each and every line. It annoys me.If there is a obvious spelling error I do fix that.

Am i really getting my panties all twisted into a bunch over what 2 woman said on the internet?? Does that make me the worlds worst, writer, author, artist and poet? Anybody out there have objective advice on taking criticism and handling it well? I would love to hear from you? Please, Please, please…any of my readers feel free to comment on the post. I’m a bit lost. However, I am still working on a new book. I am not going to stop writing over this or anything-even if folks hate it. I’m going to suck it up and keep writing no matter what. Thanks, Emily

The Gift

Take this moment here

as a gift. You are no-where else.

The past dissolves into the puddle of the present,

the future is too far away to grasp,

so take a deep breathe,

and then ask,

what do I really want to be doing,

in this moment,

this second,

this hour,

of today?

the gift is but a single moment

and all that you can do

or dream to do

to fill up that void

that empty spot,

as the click-clock

of the tick-tock

as the clock hand changes minute by minute

yet turning slow

I ask you now what, where, who

do you want?

What do you want to do in the right now

frame of your mind?

What happens next is up to you.

It is a gift.

Searching secrets

Searching among a sea of Secrets.

Looking for answers buried deep

inside my core

So much slips by

my subconscious eye.

 

Somedays I do not know

where I begin and where my illness,

fits in.

Stability is the ultimate goal.

To mend what is broken

To become whole.

 

Yet the parts I try

to deny linger and remain

a constant refrain in the chorus

which settles for

background music of a sort,

the melody of manic-depression.

 

So much regression, so much tug & back

then forth-some days I have clarity

and others I wish I did not.

The stuff I block out

The mysteries of that which makes me-

me.

 

Knowingly, I must struggle

to accept all the parts of my self

even the sick bits and pieces-

until I am able to embrace it all

to stake a claim-

there remains

a subdivision between this mood

or the next.

 

Trying my best, not only

to recover but to re-discover

the parts I try best to never see.

The big, the bad, the ugly

even the beautiful

of me.

 

 

This calm place

Sitting silent among the serene,

I find my place in earth-bound stars.

My feet grow roots as my arms become branches.

This is a place of calm.

quietness surrounds, as i sit in the stillness.

Afternoon fills me with a subtle breeze,

as amazement settles in-that yes, there

can be days like this

of quiet retrospection.

Away from the rush, bustle and buzz about.

Taking time to reflect from

within.

This calm place reflecting among

a feeling of joy and satisfaction.

For once there is no where else,

that I long to be,

except sitting here quietly,

my mind wandering

loose and free.

This calm place.

gives me strength.

The Lion Fan

The roar of the Lion Fan

pressed by our bed

we sit here divided by

a mutual wall of technology.

Each attending to his/her gadgets

in comfortable silence,

as the fan continues to roar like a Lion

trapped in its den.

Sometimes even when we are together

we need the spaces apart to each do

our own thing.

Your watching a movie most likely in Japanese,

as I write senseless verse onto my blog.

Hoping that my slightly worn, tattered feelings

appeal to the masses,

appeal to the other poets out there

trapped by a mouse and keyboard

with only their wits and words

left to linger

lightly

onto a type-written page, paragraph or sentence.

A modern hieroglyphic,

for a Modern Age.

All worn out

All worn out

hot and sweaty

summer lingers on my skin,

damp, tired awaiting twilight’s gleaming.

All worn out

long day jam-packed

with emotions, up and down…

first one thing right after another.

Sometimes, the feelings are so

overwhelming and sticky

they cling to the outside of my shirt

they ride like a heart

pinned to my sleeve.

This summer weather is sleepy/time.

great for naps and games of chance.

searching seamlessly for the right words

to describe the inner workings of my soul.

a crayon drawing

just like a childs is somewhere deep

buried beneath me

lying inside a mask of creativity.

there are some things i have

no words for-only feelings-which ride

like the sea

inside the soul

of me.

Artist Talk and Artist Workshop postponed

watercolored heart art talk flyer newFlyer Art Talk no 4 copy Falling to pieces by EHCato 1999

 

Originally, I was hosting an Artist Talk set for tomorrow June 25, 2013 from 6:00 pm- 8:00pm, at The Art Experience in Pontiac Mi. I was asked to speak about my experiences as an Artist, an Art Therapist and also someone who is in recovery from Mental Illness. (I have bipolar 1 disorder.)

Unfortunately, we could not get enough persons registered in advance. Sadly I only had two guests registered-they require a min of 5 persons.

They are allowing me to reschedule the event. I will have new flyers soon. The new date for the event is Thursday August 1, 2013 from 7:00 pm- 9:00pm. They would prefer persons registering at least one week in advance at their website: http://www.theartexperience.org/

The website has not been updated to reflect the changes just yet it may take a few days. The ticket cost is still the same $20 per guest, but this includes my personal presentation on Recovery through Art-making, a brief Q &A period, an Art Demo and finally guests will be invited to create their own artworks-supplies included.

I hope I can increase turn-out somehow. I really wish to be able to let people know, although living with mental illness is challenging there is much hope along the way and you are much less alone than you think.