An apology poem-
dedicated to an old friend…
There are some people
who quite long ago
and quite honestly
stole a chunk, a piece, an inch
of my beating red heart
than slowly they backed up
backed away
and chose to depart
from all of my insanity
from a life filled
to the brim
of constant chaos-
especially when-
I often only contacted them
when my world was falling to pieces
the times when i grabbed Hope’s
neck and choked her to the floor.
The times when i was frantic.
The times when i was less than
one hot mess-when I was literary manic,
less than
my very best.
I’m stronger now.
I am able to balance my moods out.
I am able to be more than
a one sided friend
whose hardships never seem to end.
I am able to be, more like myself,
more in control
and all of my desperate despair
I have shed its skin
done to the bone
and I’ve embraced the snake
I’ve let the light back in
I’ve become less infatuated with Drama.
I feel finally able to become,
a much better friend.
But only if your willing
to forgive me?
And allow me back into your life
as a friend and stop ignoring
all of my better qualities
to insist I am
like the Oceans waves
with tides that ebb and flow
yet never change nor stop
that I am perhaps a seed
that knows not
how to flower
how to grow
you only saw the turmoil.
but that was my own fault.
I never showed you the rest.
That even despite the Oceans
turbulent troubled waves
the Moon still gazes
quietly and tenderly on.
The world is not composed
entirely of Drama.
And not not even me.
I am not constantly in a state
of inner turmoil.
But that is what you saw,
because that was the only time
I reach out for you-
to catch me/
stop me
/as i fall.
if i could only talk with you
then you’d realize, despite it all
after everything is said and done
I could find it deep inside
to try to accept and forgive you too.
That is what friendship is all about
the push the pull not the scream nor shout
the give and the take
that is what is merry make.
sometimes i feel as though i’ve lost you
4ever that our friendship was simply
way too fragile
at the seams it tore
it breaks
apart
like pieces of a twisted broken
heart, its hard to say goodbye
knowing you never
really tried..
