Broken

Broken- by Emily H. Sturgill

Broken Brain

Bipolar disorder broke my brain in two poles.

With my medications I walk a tightrope between these poles

depression and mania…..I try daily to slip into the inbetweenness of these two things.

medicine helps but it does not cure. It only helps to contain a balance of semi-stability.

So yes I”ve got a broken brain.

Also I’ve got a broken Uterus. I have Endometriosis Stage 4. A fancy way of brokeness…

I hurt a lot of the time. It’s the worst whenever I am bleeding. Crumpled into layers of pain cramping aching stabbing screaming agony of pain. I’m hurting today in fact. Despite my period not due for two more days my broken uterus spits brownish blood and I know that means to hell with the calendars my period’s starting early. Up until 2015 I was taking opiods for the pain. Then I went through the process of applying for a medical marijuana card. I got off opiods. Now instead of pain daily from my endometriosis I’ve only got pain during my periods and during ovulation…..

A broken Uterus. A history of Infertility. Two pregnancies=Two miscarriages.

It’s a fancy form of brokeness. It’s a double whammy. A broken brain. A broken Uterus.

But deep down inside beneath all of the broken things is my poetry is my stories is my spirit and my soul-even beneath all of that is my heart which is strong unflinching warm and consistently unbroken. It beats on and on-unbroken. And beneath this broken brain and broken uterus is an unbroken girl grasping at straws and pulling like weeds from the ground fistfulls of words which fall to my feet into puddles of poetry.

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Endo bite me!

Endo bite me-

a poem written by Emily H. Sturgill

April 25,2015

Endo can bite me!

with all of its cruel insults

its nasty-ass tricks

and its never ending

agony of pain.

Endo you can bite me!

with all your

bloody monthlies…

with your outward

attacks on my fragile

pain ridden body

causing scars and infertility

but changing my appearance

so dramatically.

I am like a Pear

in a bowl among forbidden

fruit.

I’m in the shape of a

mother

yet i’ve never born

another.

endo can bite me!

i hate it so much

I cannot tolerate

this illness

which drys invisible

like invisible ink

on old parchment papers.

So nobody can see

the twinges of pain

the muscle spasms

i so very much dread.

So endo, why don’t you?

Just go away, just for today?

Why don’t you disappear

like a nightmare grown

between both my ears.

A dream dreamt five years ago.

A chilling nightmare

where is freddy krueger?

when a girl needs a friend?

I am trapped in this god-forsaken

dream

this nightmare that only twists and turns

convorts my body

into the pretzel person lobby.

Endo you can bite me,

i am so sick

to death of you.

bother some other woman.

give me some peace

endo i am breaking up with

you-

and endo you can bite me too!