people come, and people go…

Sometimes for

unfathomable reasons i do not fully claim to understand,

people come into your life

serving some unknown undesired unfulfilled

purpose

leaving faint sandpaper scratch marks

upon your heart

just as a pencil leaves a mark

upon an empty page.

these mysterious people for some unknown

reason they reach out and touch

your very soul & shake its roots

down to the core

and then???

who knows?

they disappear just as fast

as breaking glass

its like an accident

fracturing into fragments

which tumble into remnants

of a long forgotten

past.

people come, and people go…

I do not seem to understand the reasons why.

but I am frequently rejected, confused, shattered

in pieces wondering the why?

what did i do?

to drive them away?

what did i say?

What did i do?

to lose a friend

as true as you?

obviously

you never felt the same way.

obviously it was my fault

to think you would feel

the same way

as I

that you would want

to maintain our friendship?

instead you walked away-

or quite possibly-?

more like RAN away AS fast as you can.

I wasn’t sure how I hurt you.

you acted like i never mattered to you

in the first place.

but people come,

and people go…

it’s not for me

to even know-the why, the who the where the how?

just this fact-

that people come

and people go.

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the Monster of me

the Monster of me-

12/27/14

by Emily Sturgill

the Monster of me-

you cannot see

from the outside, but,

on the inside

there is a Monster of me.

deep inside a divided mind-

there is a Monster of me

It’s ugly, and messy,

It’s broken, jagged, sharpen edges

with rotted teeth

with the violet violence of despair.

Deep down inside me,

lies horrible truths, like Anger, Depression, Sadness and Fear.

it eats away at me from the inside out.

leaving nothing but

this empty shell

of a young looking pretty

40 something, crazy cat-lady,

bag lady, bag lady, i’ve been there before.

the Monster of me

is what you cannot see.

I appear normal enough

but i am raw to the touch.

and the tears just flow

like a faucet with way too much

draino.

I can appear to be

almost anything. Confident, witty or artsy-

or quiet and shy,

but deep down inside

an unraveling mind,

lies the Truth

I am mentally ill.

I am dangerous

I am to be feared

and never understood.

I am just another anonymous Statistic

I am just another runaway lunatic

I am just another victim

of my own unhinged mind.

I live with bipolar disorder

and that feels like a Crime.

the Monster of me

i keep her chained to the bed

on a dirty mattress

She’s the darkest deepest secret

the Horror in my head.

Sad Song to an Old Dog…

Sad song

to an old dog…

You are getting older

slower, sleeping more, you seem

to be hiding from us more often.

i wish you could speak with words

instead of flowing furry feelings,

such sad eyes.

Are you old friend in pain?

Will we know when that time comes?

Will we know when saying goodbye to you,

is the most necessary and humane thing to do?

How will I be able to tell?

When you do not walk so well?

When you stop eating or drinking?

When you stop dreaming?

Will we know when the time comes to put you down?

Will we know when it is best for you, to visit, that fabled “Rainbow Bridge.”??

How do we know when it is best for us to let you go?

A sad sad song for an old mighty dog.

I cannot help but selfish wish,this choice comes later, rather than sooner.

We still love you so very much.

Your a part of Us.

You still eat your treats, wag your tail, jump up to greet us,

still long to play or have a pet between your ears.

So afraid to let go of you before your time.

We never want to hurt you-or desert you.

I hope that day comes later rather than sooner.

I am still not ready for that final goodbye. 

You still have that twinkle in your eye. That smile upon your lips.

A good friend, the best kind.

oh, gosh how will we ever know, when that time comes

to say one last goodbye?

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