Sadness among song lyrics

Sadness among song lyrics

as a song trapped in half

like a fluttering moth,

mumbles lyrics in my head-

just random snatches of song

now that i found you,

your the one who can

pull me through

deliver me,

deliver me…”

( a song by Sarah Brightman called Deliver Me.”

then I cannot recall the rest of the song

except for “deliver me, out of the? sadness? madness?”

The butterfly lies trapped and broken

in my head. It stops singing to me,

because it does not know the rest of the words.

so the butterfly twists turns and hums

stumbling backwards onto the chorus,

all over again, hmmm hmmm hmmm

Deliver me.” hmm hmm

the butterfly snaps shut its wings and mouth.

I sit here vaguely wondering,

what the hell

am I thinking about?

 

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Black coffee, The Blues and I:

Black coffee, The Blues & I:

An essay by Emily H. Sturgill

So my husband and I were driving in our car the other day. We were listening to a mix of music I had burned off my computer onto a CD-R. At some point one of my various “favorite” blues songs came on. I wish I could tell you which one but I cannot, there’s way too many. Anyways, my husband looked at me and asked me with a semi-serious voice,”Did I marry an old black man?” I had to laugh and admit “yes.” I tried to explain my love of the Blues.

It’s kinda like why some people love Country music, except for me its The Blues. They may tell sad songs or tales of hardship or woe, but the music itself-it just makes me feel happy. It makes me feel like jumping and dancing. I don’t really know why. Most people who love The Blues like the very famous or classic singer-songwriters. But I’m different for some reason, my favorite is John Lee Hooker.

I really cannot explain it. My favorite song by far is,”Boom Boom Boom.”

Here is a you tube link:

To find out more about him check out these two links HERE:

http://www.johnleehooker.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Lee_Hooker

He is definitely a acquired taste. And I might have written about him before on here. This morning as I was drinking my black coffee and checking my email-I got a link from http://www.amazon.com on $5 blues albulms. Sure enough, they had one from him.

http://www.amazon.com/Urban-Blues-John-Lee-Hooker/dp/B000W198M8/ref=sr_1_2?s=dmusic&ie=UTF8&qid=1412524026&sr=1-2

I had heard and actually had downloaded some of these songs before.But surprisingly, when I clicked to listen to the tracks, they sounded like different versions of the songs I already have. I might just buy this. I know my husband will let me because he knows I gotta a serious thing for Johnny lee hooker. It is interesting to me too, that he briefly lived in Detroit Mi and even sung some songs about it. Like “The motor city is burning.” is about the famous riots here back in the 1960s-well before I was born-but still, I feel some sort of strange kinship.

I don’t know. The Blues is not for everybody. But I thought I would share my love of the blues with you, as I finish my black coffee because my inner black guy, told me too!

The sounds of Sleep

He is sleeping

with him he is carrying

the sounds of Sleep.

 

There is a song to his

sonorous sonnet of snoring.

It is calming to listen to it.

 

He is sleeping

deep and wide,

I imagine he is dreaming

but he rarely shares these to me.

 

Like most my dreamer usually

does not recall his dreams.

I like to hear his snoring

years ago it once bothered me.

 

But now I find it precious,

that the man I love so much

is peacefully getting his

much needed rest.

 

It is relaxing to hear,

his breathing reminds me

of oceans breaking upon the shore.

It is a soothing sound, calming and gentle.

 

The sounds of him sleeping

remind me how lucky I am

to have this man I love

with me still here.

New Facebook page for Sex in the kitchen Sink

https://www.facebook.com/sexinthekitchensink13?ref=hl

Follow me on facebook please!Picture 149 Warming up with color abstract 2 Fall 2013 Spirals of Song and other poems book cover1 Picture 161 Warming up with color abstract 1 Fall 2013 Abstract oil pastel drawing 99 cover design for words whirl 2013 copy Falling to pieces by EHCato 1999 IMAG0893 IMAG0898 IMAG0897 Art before words new front cover copy back cover art before words3 copy self portrait 05012013 Picture 94 Acrylic mixed media pumice gel painting 1996 canvasboard Spirituality, acrylic and sand on canvasboard 1996 possible coverart1 copy Athena wiccan11 IMG_20130330_093258

Play me

Play me very carefully.

Play me like,

the broken fiddle I’ve become.

Use both hands to strum,

broken strings, into uneven chords.

A malady of a melody

that I have become.

Play me very carefully

like the hollowed drum.

Pound on my back,

until I thump and boom.

Be careful whatever way you play.

Play me like the electric guitar

smashed on a sound-stage in front

of screaming fans.

Play me like a broken fiddle,

tighten my strings

take me in for repairs,

I’ll be yours to play tomorrow,

I’ll be there good as new,

for forever and a day,

and a dream to come true.

Like a malady of a melody

that I have become.

Play me very carefully,

so I do not,

become undone.

Chill-laxing

Just chilling, with a favorite CD.

I have not decided,

if  I will be productive Today.

 

It’s a choice, like flipping a switch in my brain.

Do I really want to do something,

or just sit around here doing nothing,

feeling insane?

 

Music saves me…from some of,

this Madness.

I have been listening to various artists lately.

 

some of my favorites CDs right now:

ZZ Ward, “Till the casket drops.”

Ray Lamontagne, “Trouble”

Ray Lamontagne and the Pariah dogs,” God Willing & the creek don’t raise.”

Pink,”Funhouse.”

Muse, their newest one…

M.Ward, “transfiguration of Vincent.”

Florence and The Machine. Imagine Dragons. FUN. Goyte.

Mumford and Sons. The Black keys.

 

I just love music.

A good song creeps in under your bones.

It stays with you.

The lyrics randomly pop into head, at weird times.

 

Music is a powerful Drug.

It’s side effects are pretty harmless.

I know when I stop listening,

that’s when I start thinking.

About stuff I do not want to think about.

 

Music saves what is left of my sanity.

Music saves my soul.

Music takes me to far away places,

I long to go.

 

So go ahead,

pop in a favorite CD with me,

Let’s run away for the Day.

Let the Chill-laxing begin.

It’s a win-win.

Music Lifts me up

Music Lifts me up,

when I am crashing downwards,

just hearing a favorite song or favorite singer-song-writer,

puts a smile on my heart,

and on  my face as well.

 

Music Lifts me up,

when times are tough.

Just the joy of listening

to a familiar and favorite tune-

is enough to help me-chase those blues away.

 

Music Lifts me up,

it is poetry for the soul.

It is something so sublime, shifting my

subconscious, into a nicer, softer place.

 

Sometimes, I like to sing along,

especially while i’m driving in my car,

or sitting in the car as my husband Deano Drives…

He likes the way I sing,

it is always a surprise that he approves of my singing.

He likes to sing along too.

 

Music Lifts me Up.

taking me places, i have never been before.

Carving out new memories,

like a long lost friend.

Music takes me everywhere,

 

I want to go, because

Music Lifts me up.

waiting on a healing groove

waiting on

the bus to come by, on time.

waiting for a short stop-

the moment to yank the string.

the destination which develops me,

like an old black and white photograph,

of who i used to be.

 

Waiting on a healing groove.

waiting on an Angel’s song.

waiting for the Buddhist monk, to finish chanting.

watching the Muslim praying at Sundown.

Searching for God or My Goddess,

beneath the olive tree.

 

Religion divides too many of us.

Ripped apart to pieces and yet,

the soul stills knows where to go.

 

waiting on a healing groove.

waiting for illness to depart,

willing for it to leave my lingering heart.

 

Wanting to be more whole,

then being torn apart.

watching the world from a safe distance,

as it argues among itself,

as war breaks out,

as poverty reigns- sometimes there is so

much sorrow….

so much pain,

I begin to feel hollow-

 

 

as a slender reed

like an empty Egyptian

hieroglyphic,

my words themselves begin to bleed.

 

Like an outpouring of

random graffiti, i make the Tag-yet

even I do not know-what the Hell I am saying.

Just waiting…

on the healing groove.

 

 

 

 

Relaxing with music-all alone again….

Relaxing with music,

the Singer-songwriter M.Ward,

sings sweetly in my background.

My mother in law is at a doctors appointment.

My husband has left to go watch the latest

Superman movie-then he has a therapy appointment.

 

I’m all alone, at home again.

It’s peaceful. Despite a few stray teardrops,

which escape me.

 

Mood wise-slide sideways,

between sad and joy…

relief at being simply more of myself,

again.

 

More in control.

Heads still somewhat cloudy-

but feet are nailed safely/to the ground.

 

Every-time, I have another

manic-depressive episode,

it feels as though both my body and brain-

have betrayed me yet again.

 

 

They have turned me inside out/

into somebody insane…

just the name of this

illness game.

 

There is nothing I can really do

except my best,

to avoid these times/

of madness, at the slip of a dime.

 

I take my medicine as prescribed.

I never miss my doctor sessions.

I try to get enough sleep.

I try to not freak out.

 

Despite the hurdle of Everything/

I occasionally still/

completely lose my mind.

 

It always feels as though-

I have betrayed myself somehow…

My episodes the last two years, strictly on my meds,

have been smaller & shorter,

no real damage has been done.

 

I should feel happy,

as if I’ve won.

But instead I am sadden by the way,

I become undone.

Like a sweater with one button popping loose,

as if by random chance.

 

I know of others with my disease,

have fewer times of the in-between.

Fewer times of the semi-normalcy, stable state.

 

I know I am blessed and lucky.

At least my medicines control

my CRAZY, from time to time…

 

Nobody’s perfect all the time.

We all have our flaws.

It just sucks that history tends to;

repeat itself in my general direction.

I am caught in the constant cobweb

of being CRAZY.

 

I run away from home TIME AND TIME AGAIN…

Just like the first time, way back in the summer,

of 1992.

I’m a song stuck on repeat.

A dance number without  a beat.

Filled with sadness & joy, all at once,

a walking contradiction

allowing & swallowing the impossible

courage & fear of being

plain old ME.IMG_20130330_093314 IMG_20130330_093436 Self-portrait photo may 2013Falling to pieces by EHCato 1999Picture 113 copy

 

New and upcoming free kindle promo days:

Starting today June 15, 2013, my very first collection of poetry and Artwork is free to download off of Amazon.com’s kindle. It is called,”Sex in the kitchen sink: Poetry and Art.” The promo will last 5 days from today 6/15/13-6/19/13.cropped-cover-art-1-copy1.jpg

Here is a direct link to download a copy: http://www.amazon.com/Sex-kitchen-sink-poetry-ebook/dp/B00AY8B0ES/ref=sr_1_5_title_1_kin?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1371349813&sr=1-5

 

June 22-26th, On the brink: Vol One will have a free download promo on kindle.
June 26-27 Art before words will have a brief 48 hour promo.
June 28-July 2 On the Brink : vol 2 will have a free kindle download promotion.
July 4-July 8 Mythology seen through metaphor: word salad 1.5 will be on promo.
July 13-July 17 Dreamcatcher and other poems, will have a free promo period on kindle.
August 16-August 20th Butterfly Rimmed eyeglasses and the trouble with Tuesdays will be also availoable to download for free.
August 25-August 29, 2013 There will be a free kindle promotion of the poetry and art chapbook called, “Lavender Surprise.”

To take advantage of all or any of these free promo days please visit my Authors page at amazon.com – that link is : http://www.amazon.com/author/emilysturgill.

Also it would mean the world to me if you do download something, even if its free, would you consider leaving a review on amazon.com for me? Reviews help me piece together,
areas in which i need improvement or areas that i excel at. Reviews also help me in general during the non-promotional periods with other potential readers or buyers of my work.

Just simply giving your opinion is easy enough to do. And even if itsa negative review, there is something i can learn from. If it is a positive review, even better!!! Just be honest and speak your mind, whatever you think, it would help me a great deal!!! I am still very new to self-publishing. And even new to blogging-i only started this blog in nov 2012.

It was a nice suprise when other writers started subscribing to my blog! I was thrilled to even have 20 followers-now i have lost count-but quite a few. My readers in what inspired me to publish my first artist and poetry chapbook, ” Sex in the kitchen Sink: poems and artwork .”by Emily H. Sturgill. If you have not read it, get a free copy today!!cover art 1 copyAbstract watercolor 2013 Rantings 1 bookcover front cover word salad 2013 dreamcatcher and other poems coverDreamcatcher_and_oth_Cover_for_Kindle BookCover Rantings and Ravings paperbook vol2 image024 Lavender Surprise cover13 cover for art art art before words noback cover art before words3 copy Picture 94 new hairsyle may 1 2013 by Leah