The Table top Poem

The Table top poem by Emily Sturgill

2/26/2011

A woman filled with the mourning of

the loss of her husband

put his hunting jacket on the table.

She also placed his fishing gear, hooks and tackle on the table.

She put her memories of him into their children and grandchildren.

The stories he would tell She put the words into her dry mouth telling

them to all who would listen especially on the holidays.

After 40 years of marriage a stranger murdered her husband.

She had never met this stranger before but he was introduced to the couple

three years before her husband’s death as Stomach Cancer.

Unfortunately due to her grief the woman has to be reminded of the happy times She had with her husband by her children and friends. The couple with one half missing now have a great grandchild.

She changes into her nightgown putting her heart on her sleeve and goes to bed into a dreamless sleep.

Written for Gary and Deborah Sturgill in 2011. Gary passed in April 2006.

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Sick of running

Sick of running-

Emily H. Sturgill

May 4, 2015

So sick and tired of running-running away from my feelings/running away from my lover/running away from my best friend/

So sick of running away from this man who im in love with/Its been almost fifteen years now/cannot deny/the more i love/

the higher i fly.

im sick of running.

i am done with the rewind process.

i blink. i cry. i open my eyes.

suddenly stuck back on the rewind.

and its there again. im the misfit. i am only 18. i am running away again.

i run away from my parents home again and again repeatedly.

i run away from the man who loves me-

because of this fear-this phobia-the things i do not dare-to face myself.

So sick and tired of running-running away from my feelings/running away from my lover/running away from my best friend/

So sick of running away from this man who im in love with/Its been almost fifteen years now/cannot deny/the more i love/

the higher i fly.

I am so deeply sorry for my stubborn refusal/to face myself/in a mirror.

I am so sick of running away/deep down/somewhere/inside/i am scared/so i hide./terrified/

So sick and tired of running-running away from my feelings/running away from my lover/running away from my best friend/

So sick of running away from this man who im in love with/Its been almost fifteen years now/cannot deny/the more i love/

the higher i fly.

I am sick of running./i want to just stay home with you/i want to stay/always/near you./im scared/i will lose you./

I cannot promise/that this fear/won’t overcome me/again./but im attempting/to face my demons./to slay them./

So sick and tired of running-running away from my feelings/running away from my lover/running away from my best friend/

So sick of running away from this man who im in love with/Its been almost fifteen years now/cannot deny/the more i love/

the higher i fly.

Merry go round

Merry go round-

Spinning, faster, faster

a twirling metallic

merry go round

and when or where it

stops

nobody knows.

Feeling caught.

Feeling trapped.

In the inner corner

of a blank page.

words left the station

so long ago

not much left to say.

childhood

nostalgia

silly nonsensical

rythmes to pass the

times.

Sometimes

I just want

off

of this puking frenzy

of a Merry a go round.

My feet hit the grass lightly

linger upon pavement

making no sound.

feeling invisible-

like I did when I was

very little.

Just want off

of this

spinning

metallic

Merry go wheel.

“Memoirs Recalled Madness: a personal account of manic-depression.”by Emily Sturgill just $3.99

“Memoirs Recalled Madness: a personal account of manic-depression.”by Emily Sturgill  is currently a kindle-countdown deal.

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The price is set to increase by $1 tomorrow.

Dia De Los Muertos~(Day of the Dead)

Dia De Los Muertos

This is one of my favorite holidays

A day to remember,

ancestors passed-the passage of time & the journey

back.

I never learned of this holiday until

after I lost someone I loved

to the great beyond.

And, more have passed on since.

The whole idea of celebrating both Life

and Death, to recall the wonderful

memories, moments and personalities

of someone you loved,

and to honor them

with personal mementos, gifts -a alter

or shrine of the things they once enjoyed.

The entire concept is so amazing

and mystifying to me.

On this day, I often remember,

my mother, my husband’s father, my grandmother

and others I ‘ve lost

ashes to dust.

Strangely enough, I am happy on this day.

Because I try to celebrate the memories

and be thankful with much grace

that I had these wonderful Souls

touch my Life.

In Darkness there is Death,

But also we must remember, in Darkness there is also always light.

Happy Dia De Los Muertos.

Blessings and Peace for all Souls,

lost or otherwise, beneath us just out of reach.

my mom

my mom

Snapshot_20141101My Day of the Dead Tattoo-which I designed myself, back in 2006.

Autumn slides in

As Summer slips away

from frayed sunburned fingers

and children at play-

the weather starts to crumble

and Autumn slides in.

 

As Summer slips away,

the nights get colder

the wind gets bolder

the light begins to dim at dusk

when suddenly,

Autumn slides in.

 

As Summer slips away,

swimsuits get traded for sweaters

green leaves begin to spin

into gold, bronze, and red

as Autumn slides in.

 

As Summer slips away,

the thermostat gets switched from off

to on, blankets cover the bedsheets

and feeling a chill

we watch the sky just as

Autumn slides in.

 

Autumn slides in

to home plate as spectators all

begin the yearly cheer

Autumn slides in,

bringing us home again.

a sinking feeling

a sinking feeling by Emily Sturgill 6/24/14

a sinking feeling
as the ship goes down,
and your leaving for work
as you kiss me goodbye

all I see on your face
is anger and hurt.

a sinking feeling
as the ship goes down,
your disappointed in me
once more again

somehow, some way I
have let you down again.
and there is no time
for words or apologies.

a sinking feeling,
as the ship goes down,
I can see with one look
your angry with me

a sinking feeling
as the ship goes down,
I do not even have or own
the magical words

of saying I’m sorry,
because you do not share
whatever wrong I’ve done.
this day is off to a rocky start.

a sinking feeling
as the ship goes down,
with one angry look
you cracked my heart.

split it halfways
like two sides
of a cracked raw
egg yolk.

a sinking feeling,
as the ship goes down,
as I sit here in a precursor to all my tears,
I know you’d throw me overboard in a second

hoping that this time
I would splash, sink, sputter
and finally
drown.

as the ship goes down.

Cold Coffee

Cold Coffee-5/23/14

Coffee’s getting cold.
As I sit here,
thinking
Bold…
Color combinations upon
a broken painter’s palette.

Coffee’s getting cold.
As I sit here,
feeling old…
nothing is so fleeting
as Life is Stealing
years and years from Us All,

beginning each and everyday
the thief of time
steals of years away.

but I regress…
Coffee’s getting cold.
Black liquid velvet dripping
into a cup, a cup that holds
love.

This coffee cup
from which I sip
once belong to my long-dead
Mother.

I treasure it because
it was once hers.

But Coffee’s getting cold,
as I just sit here
thinking
drinking black coffee
thinking my life away

piece by piece
word by word
poem by poem

a whisper in
the wind
lies unheard.

but…

Coffee’s getting cold.

My Mama when she was young

My Mama when she was young

Tip-toe through the daisies

It’s cold here.

So then, I close my eyes

and I imagine things.

I imagine that I

can tip-toe through the daisies

which lie buried under deep snow

I imagine them bloom, and-

then I imagine them grow

into a sea

of devastation

a sea of utter raw beauty-

you would agree,

if you could just, only close your eyes

and tip-toe through the daisies-

C’mon old man winter,

I am ready for you to stop following me.

I am ready for a sea full of daisies

and the beauty they may bring

a rarity called

Spring.

Michigan Snow

moshi in snow winter 13                                 Michigan Snow

The snow knows

where it wants to go.

Here in Michigan we are getting,

oh so weary of the Michigan Snow.

It is dreary, it blankets us completely, even my dogs

get tired of this mess. This has been sincerely,

one of our worst winters in recent history.

A year ago, there was barely any and we were spoiled

like small children-we thought nothing about the

snow of Winters past. We had forgotten about the bad driving, or getting your car stuck in the snow-

in your very own driveway!! We did not see this arctic blast coming down upon us.

We never thought, we did not ask, we only assumed-

that this year would be like the last.

We were so wrong. And now I feel blue, from all this-Michigan snow.

I am so sick of it. Not to mention the dog in the photo, he is my 11 year old

Shiba Inu. He’s sick of it too-sometimes it comes up to his chest.

We are from Michigan, born and breed. We should expect this stuff,

yet it was unexpected for many. In fact, it blew us away.

All this Michigander Snow, in and out- every single day!