lost

lost-10/24/15

feeling lost

little small achey

hurt in a healing heart

feeling small

with hidden jewels of happiness

but i cannot find them all

i am lost

at a loss for words

a word like hope

feels too big for me.

there is a ache in my heart

an emptiness in my chest

a sadness in my soul.

sometimes losing hurts so much

you can forget what winning feels like.

the world gives us both

so much to lose

but so much to win.

i feel lost.

its temporary and i know

that I will find what I am looking for.

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an iny_tRo_ duction

an iny_tRo_ duction.

Song of Silence

Song of Silence

by Emily Sturgill

4/16/15

A song that is sung silently

hung like a halo

privately

among curses

among the plenty.

A song that hangs mighty

around ones neck

completely

gathered into a noose

of blood red roses

thorns

a song sung silently

drowning out

the obvious

and the sheer

terrors of insanity.

A secret song

sung silently

hung tightly

upon reams

of unwritten

poetry.

Moody Music and black coffee…

Moody music & black coffee

as I rush up

the morning greets me.

Mother in laws

unhappy & her screaming

gets to me.

So I put on a CD of Goth type

moody music & drink black coffee

if I hide upstairs she won’t see me

if i hide upstairs I can pretend

she’s not so unhappy, bristling & angry

at the whole entire everything of her own

personal story & her history.

She is sick right now which

darkens her sky even more

and with all that yelling

she is difficult to ignore.

But I realize you cannot make others happy.

and no matter how hard I try to please

it’s just going to blow up in my face

it’s never going to work out

with her argumentative personality

nothing I say can count.

Also, matter of fact I am sick right now too,

but she lacks the empathy or understanding

that others can also feel sick, no she has to be,

the one worse off & the complete

center of attention.

It bothers me of course-

that I can never catch a break with her.

She lacks the empathy, I once assumed was

a natural part of every single lady.

But she was cast from a different mold.

I try to make her happy but only to

a certain degree because I realize

happiness is virtually impossible

for her, unless she changes her mind

and decides too-to be happy?

Misery is more what’s on her list

& misery loves company-

so she tries to drag me in-into her dramas,

that is why I hide myself

behind a staircase

behind some moody music

and I drink my black coffee

thankful that I am mostly happy

most of the time, anyways.

She is old beyond her years.

She is loud beyond belief,

and I think she needs some happy pills

because she never has relief.

Moody music & black coffee

as I rush up

the morning greets me.

Everyone’s a critic

Everyone’s a critic

they show their shadow side

unleashed behind the teeth

of a fake smile

they look at what you say, make or do

then they say it could’a been

oh so much better!

I understand and fully believe

in constructive criticisms~but please don’t

tell me these things I make or create

simply don’t work out

or that they plainly suck

when you remind me of the

back seat driver.

When was the last time you actually

made something yourself?

Or created something out of thin air?

Or molded some words into a poem, or a story?

Or made some snazzy drawing-still counts even if

it was made out of lunacy.

Don’t slam me for my efforts.

It’s unfair.

It’s not constructive criticisms.

It’s more like your just unimpressed

with any of my mundane efforts.

Why are people so quick to focus

on failures, or negatives or the bad & the ugly?

 

Sadness grabbed there first.

Sadness grabbed there first

before I know what she was.

Sadness grabbed my heart She left

a white marked

trail

along the paths of veins and arteries.

ghostly fingers imprinted her mark

of fine woven sandy fingerprints

of the shadow of

an invisible sadness.

Sadness was a secret sister to me

she held me silently

even on all the days

I wept both crazy and madly.

Sadness she was with me

through everything

almost at all.

She cast a sudden sharp shadow

upon my happiest moments and

memories-She colored the most beautiful of days

into grayness colored ashes

the cremation of happiness

into an ugly urn

only I could see, while because Sadness

She touched me first there.

She grabbed my small heart

and left a lingering loneliness,

She left a longing for

teardrops unspent

a lingering romance

with her own tormentor and invention

a man in a blacken smog suit

some call

by the name

Depression.

 

 

Some bipolar artwork

 

10418311_10202380313264213_1680142073452811708_n Camera Somebody asked on a bipolar support group page for images that describe bipolar disorder or feeling-all I can show is Artwork I created during different phases of my illness mostly when I was manic but some are from depression too-as a viewer I leave it up yo you to fecide which is which??? All art are created by Emily H. Sturgill, All rights reserved. Feel free to share my images but please add my name at least to them if you use them-thanks, Emily SturgillCAM00335 back cover art before words3 copy advicecollage1 IMG_0445 you are the light at the end of my tunnel 12.4.12 digital art 6 cassette tape july 11 068

The thick & the thin

The thick & the thin

by Emily Sturgill

01/01/15

The thick & the thin

defines the mess we are in.

You always stand by me,

no matter how hard I

fall

from your graces.

Through the thin & the thick,

you always do catch me,

when I tumble then fall,

steadily crashing

busting into flames

before my mess hits the pavement

you have gotten me once again-

off the brick, the edges of lunacy

and the insane.

Through the good times and bad,

whether we are happy or sad,

through thick and through thin,

you are always one,

to cheer me on farther

to pass the finish line

to win

any race, when I bow down

breaking into pieces

shattering smile

broken in half

like an upside down clown.

You try to not judge me.

You simply stand there with nerve

and continue to love me.

Through the thin & the thin

look at the mess we are in!!

(dedicated to my hubby Dean)

Anger

Anger-01/01/2015 by Emily Sturgill

Anger is…

A rose color river

of flesh & blood

an eruption of Lava

a tornado without a passage

a volcano without any thought

a clinched fist you do not know you are making.

a tight grasp and grip

onto a stroke

of thunder & lightning.

Anger

this abstract emotion

Anger

is

this ugliest of potions

it swallows me whole

just to spit me back out.

I do hurtful things

to those I care

the most about.

Anger is fury

colored crayon color Red

It is

screaming, yelling and shouting

It does not

just break down the door-it kicks it right in!

10418311_10202380313264213_1680142073452811708_n

 

Anger

is universal. An emotion we all have gotten,

whether we care too, or not.

It is the litmus test of Forget-me-nots,

and roses turned spoil-

a lingering rotten smell

as feelings decay

as thoughts do stray

as humans hold grudges

as ships crash then burn

many shipwrecks occur

many wars do too

all in the name

of Anger, its felt universally,

much the same.

Kindle 99 cent Sales!!! Ongoing!

SALES:

KINDLE COUNTDOWN DEALS STARTED ON SUNDAY 12/28/14-01/04/15

FOUR DIFFERENT TITLES WILL BE REDUCED TO JUST 99 CENTS:

 

1.”On the Brink letters to the Madness+poems & pictures (Rantings & Ravings Book 1) [Kindle Edition]”

TO BUY A REDUCED COPY PLEASE GO HERE:

http://www.amazon.com/letters-Madness-pictures-Rantings-Ravings-ebook/dp/B00B13BO96/ref=asap_B00B1GC5LY?ie=UTF8

Read an excerpt from Michelle Short’s book review:

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
“This is a bright and thoughtful collection of “memoir” offering, a blend/mix of poetry, paintings and photography. This is not a written memoir in story form. Ms. Sturgill’s richly detailed account of thoughts and emotions provides understanding of the thought process and her life experience of being affected by mental illness. To her credit, Ms. Sturgill has her Master’s degree in Fine Arts from Wayne University, Detroit, MI. where she lives with her husband and dogs.The isolation and the loneliness that separates those who are ill, the tangled threads, selling secrets/selling drama. The changing “Love Like This” Sturgill describes the randomness of falling in love with her husband Dean, better together than apart, his unconditional love and support. The longest piece/poem “Unread Book” is uniquely written about the soul/life blood of a book, eventually ending with comparison to the circus and circus clowns. “Falling to Pieces” an acrylic on canvas 1996, is my personal favorite, a soulful portrait of unspeakable beauty.”

2.”On the Brink letters to the Madness+poems & pictures. Vol 2″ (Rantings & Ravings) [Kindle Edition]

TO BUY A REDUCED 99 CENT COPY PLEASE GO HERE:

http://www.amazon.com/letters-Madness-pictures-Rantings-Ravings-ebook/dp/B00B2XHKW0/ref=asap_B00B1GC5LY?ie=UTF8

Read a blurb from Michelle Short’s review Here:

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Interconnecting True Stories, Essay, Poetry and Art.. October 14, 2013
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
” Beginning this second bold and courageous volume of “On the Brink..” is the metaphoric story of the Samurai and Witch. With references to a Zen Master, Gotham City, Batman, Catwoman, etc. this seems to have a juvenile child-like narrative. Next, an “Ode to the Ghetto” my favorite poem in this Chapbook, about Sturgill’s experience of being the only white cashier in an 8 Mile Detroit, MI. Target Store. The racist distain, a white speck on the color wheel of the black universe. “Story” is a combination of metaphoric poetry/essay about the birth of a story from a mother of conception. The words, images, forgotten phrases, eventually become paragraphs. The story savior, rebirth without Christianity, blends into an ongoing revealing comparisons to promiscuity. Words and more single words, seemingly poetry, following a manic run of thought process.In 1986 Sturgill’s favorite aunt died of kidney failure, and had a hard life impaired by alcoholism. This event seemed to set Sturgill’s teen years and family life on a negative, downward spiral. This is darkly and shockingly detailed in: “Ravings of a Lunatic.” Sturgill’s mother bought scotch in gallon containers, her parents fought fiercely and a great deal, yet her father remained the strong, shy, silent type doing almost all the cooking and cleaning. Being bullied at school, and seemingly becoming the family scapegoat over time, and the stressful poor family dynamic, led her to have severe depressive symptoms where she faced further misunderstanding and criticism from her immediate family. Sturgill was prescribed medication from her teen years, and formally diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder (manic-depressive illness) when she was 18.”

3.”Yesterday’s Flowers and other things.: poetry and art.” [Kindle Edition]

TO BUY THIS EBOOK FOR ONLY 99 CENTS PLEASE FOLLOW THIS LINK BELOW:

http://www.amazon.com/Yesterdays-Flowers-other-things-poetry-ebook/dp/B00HX46KLE/ref=asap_B00B1GC5LY?ie=UTF8

To read a section of  reviews please scroll down:

Most Helpful Customer Reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
Everywhere I go I find a poet has been there before me. ~ Sigmund Freud‘Yesterday’s Flowers and Other Things: Poetry and Art’ is author/poet/artist Emily Sturgill’s 12th release in her chapbook series. Whether she is describing the surface levels or the deepest intensity of emotional states and experience, her words are daring, fearless, and articulate. There is often a vibrant richness in her paintings, drawings, mixed media/collage. Ms. Sturgill’s photography captures an expression, moment, or a specific place or theme. It is always up to her readers and followers to interpret individual meaning.The opening New Year poem: ‘Resolutions Fall Flatly’ Ms. Sturgill realizes the need to reinvent herself, meaning less coffee and cigarettes, a new year and person. There are several poems about her love of the freshly written, often random, words. Loose Leaf Paper, Poetry, Commercial, The Storyteller, Honeycomb,
‘The Art Therapist’ recalled putting picture pieces together, the light of hope and joy. Shadows carved out of Oak trees. The transformation of mood that meditation can’t achieve: ‘Music Therapy’. “Art Has Left The Building’ tells of the disappearance of inspiration.
‘Yesterdays Flowers'(theme): Flowers blooming secrets in the brittle dryness of winter.
‘She’ who loved Christmas, making cards and calligraphy writing. A loving memorial tribute poem of Ms. Sturgill’s mother.
The following poems describe the downside of mood disorder, the shadows, secrets, and final acceptance. Mania, A Messy Place, My Shadow Self, A Regression.

Read more ›

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
3.0 out of 5 stars Poetry was good, art not so good May 26, 2014
Format:Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase
 
“Emily Sturgill is an incredibly talented poet and she displays just how skillful she really is in her amazing poetry and art book, “Yesterdays Flowers and other things.” The rhythm and solid flow of each line was perfectly constructed, and demonstrated with excellent writing skills! When you read this book, it will be obvious that the author is well aware of poetry mechanics. I really like the individual style Emily presented in this book as well! In addition to this, every poem I read was understandable and easy to read. They each sparked one, if not several different emotions and everyone knows that every good poetry book must hit you emotionally. Not only does Emily pull you inside of her world with her poetry, “Yesterday’s Flowers and other things”, but some poems beckon you to examine your own reality. I like the poem about the rocks, I use to collect rocks when I was little, so that poem was very interesting and fun to read. 11/15/23 Lucky Rocks. 10/6/13 Loose Leaf Paper is definitely my favorite! Overall, the ending is the key to the entire book! Emily did a great job on this book and I would recommend it to other poets and readers! Specifically, because of the form and technique. Surely, many poets could learn a thing or two.” Read the rest of this review on Amazon.com

 

4.”Spirals of Song and other poems”

TO GET THIS ONE FOR 99 CENTS AS WELL, FOLLOW THIS LINK HERE:

http://www.amazon.com/Spirals-other-poems-Emily-Sturgill/dp/1492968099/ref=asap_B00B1GC5LY?ie=UTF8

Here are the reviews:

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars An Illistrated Tribute to the Creative Spirit……….,January 21, 2014
Verified Purchase(What’s this?)
Spirals of Song and Other Poems is a deeply gratifying tribute to the creative spirit by author/artist Emily Sturgill M.Ed. ~ In the introduction, Sturgill discusses her blog: sexinthekitchensink@wordpress.com, especially grateful for the support of her husband, family, and her 200 plus readers and followers, she hopes to inspire others to draw, paint, “make art”, and write, as she promotes the healing and therapeutic process/effects of creative artistic expression.With her love and admiration for the written word, prose and verbs, awareness of random thought that weaves into a tapestry of words, she writes: “The Muse of Poetry”, “Spirals of Song”, and the addiction to words, where one or two poems a day is never enough.. “Poetry Junkie”.
“The Miscarriage Collages” illustrate the depth of personal loss, in two beautifully done collage pieces, a sharing experience for the benefit of others.
Blending into another form: Random (abstract) Art is illustrated with a bold striking zig-zag painting and another smoother swirl of abstract design. Sturgill explains how (in therapeutic art) emotions color the canvas, the healing that often takes place without the necessity of either the written or spoken word.
“Play Me” a poem of the readiness of musical instruments on standby, is illustrated with clip-art of a violin.
Inspired by the song “Sober” by pop vocalist Pink: “A Pink Poem” is of avoiding the decent into madness that leads to a hospital psychiatric ward. The poem “Love Letter” returns back to the expression of the written word.
Favorite Art Works: ~ Colorful Collage * mixed media 2013 ~ Zentangle * pen/ink drawing 2013 ~ Zentangle #2 * pen/ink drawing 2013 ~ The Peacock * acrylic/mixed media 2012.

All men are creative, but few are artists. ~ Paul Goodman ~
Emily Sturgill M.Ed studied art education and therapy at Wayne State University, Detroit MI, where she lives with her husband and pet family.
It is pleasure to review this amazing prolific series of artist chapbooks. Many thanks to Amazon for the Kindle Promotional Copy.

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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars Emily Sturgills review, November 20, 2013
Verified Purchase(What’s this?)
She really writes from her heart her own life struggles and is very insightful on lifes issues …very nicely written and illustrated

THIS SALE WILL ONLY LAST UNTIL jAN 4, 2015. iF YOU ENJOY MY fREE pROMOTIONAL DOWNLOADS ON KINDLE, ThEn, you might also enjoy my other titles too. It only costs 99 cents, per chapbook, why not try them all?