a sinking feeling

a sinking feeling by Emily Sturgill 6/24/14

a sinking feeling
as the ship goes down,
and your leaving for work
as you kiss me goodbye

all I see on your face
is anger and hurt.

a sinking feeling
as the ship goes down,
your disappointed in me
once more again

somehow, some way I
have let you down again.
and there is no time
for words or apologies.

a sinking feeling,
as the ship goes down,
I can see with one look
your angry with me

a sinking feeling
as the ship goes down,
I do not even have or own
the magical words

of saying I’m sorry,
because you do not share
whatever wrong I’ve done.
this day is off to a rocky start.

a sinking feeling
as the ship goes down,
with one angry look
you cracked my heart.

split it halfways
like two sides
of a cracked raw
egg yolk.

a sinking feeling,
as the ship goes down,
as I sit here in a precursor to all my tears,
I know you’d throw me overboard in a second

hoping that this time
I would splash, sink, sputter
and finally
drown.

as the ship goes down.

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Life isn’t always what it seems..

Life isn’t always what it seems,
and here I am
I am feeling green.

fresh, newly painted
a face-lift onto my dusty portrait
in the mirror I see myself
AS IF: All brand new.

Life isn’t always what it seems,
and here I am
feeling blue.

Wishing I was much easier
less difficult, stubborn, moody~
somebody different,
slipping sideways into someone else’s skin~

snakelike, voodoo like a real Doll,
is where I begin,
Again.

And, Life isn’t always what it seems,
and here I am
feeling red.

isolated,feeling a overwhelming
sense
of dread.

No. No. No.
Life isn’t always what it seems,
and here I am
feeling yellow.

I sit with a cup of
coffee-blackened Joe.
Just so you, know
I am only human.

now I’m feeling
somewhat
mellow.

Life isn’t always what it seems,
and here I am
feeling green.

Something brand new
deep inside my skin
itches, trembles, and grows
into a seed of small
beginnings.

Life isn’t always what it seems,
and here I am
feeling naked.
feeling green.
feeling blue.
feeling red.

There is one hell of a messy
palette inside,
my own head.