Pain paves my way.

6/19/19

Pain paves my way

It passes over my body

In bent and twisted ways.

It follows me everywhere.

For at least 1/4 of every month.

I try to fight it.

Heated blankets and tylenol.

I usually lose the fight.

Pain knows all the tricks.

Pain fights dirty breaks the rules.

Pain is part of my journey and

It whispers secrets just to me.

Pain paves my way.

balance 6/15/19

Balance

There is a tightrope I walk

it covers miles of canyons

which sink to depths I’ve never seen.

And the sky above is vast and huge

those tall summit heights I’ll never climb.

But the in-between is my tightrope.

I’m very fortunate to have a safety net

consisting of family, friends and even some strangers

off the internet.

This is all in place

just in case I stumble or fall.

It’s my saving grace.

I’ve been walking this same tightrope

since I was only 18.

Despite being terrified of heights,

I must continue walking this rope

above great canyons

It’s a process, a journey which never ends,

a struggle to find balance.

Swimming with sharks

Swimming with Sharks 6/15/19

Summer brings warmer waters.

Summer welcomes beautiful oceans,

and breathless seas.

Sandy white beaches, scattered sea shells and

thrilling deep diving.

Summer brings tranquility, solace and happiness.

Be wary of that deep dive and all those thrills however…

Summer’s warm waters also brings

sharks closer to the shores.

Before you know it if your not careful

you’ll be swimming with sharks

turning the beauty of the ocean

into a scarlet tide

not only dark red deep

but terrifying

what once was so beautiful

can turn on you

you’ll be lucky if you make it out alive.

you’ll be lucky if you survive.

and that’s how I feel

as I struggle with my manic-depression.

It contains all the beauty of the entire ocean

but the sharks swim there too.

Climbing 6/8/19

Haven’t showered in days.

Summer sticks to skin, Skin sticks to Skin.

hair is oily

lying in clumps.

motivation is secret and locked under key.

 

Something so simple

a clean hot shower

getting dressed-

Mt. Everest.

 

lack of self-care

just a symptom

of my bipolar disorder.

 

But I can fight.

I can climb those mountains,

and reach for the rain-

to wash away

all the dirt

of these feelings

to be clean again.

Summertime 6/8/19

Sitting with Stability

among the everyday,

in the corner

just out of eyeshot-

my depression begins

to creep in.

Growing slowly

like the ivy-

spreading small sprouts

of doubt.

little thoughts here and there

of sad seedlings, sad memories, sad thoughts-

a darkness not discouraged

by stability or sunlight.

But I won’t willingly

water this garden.

Instead

I’ll let it dry out in the Sun.

I’ll just watch it burn.