You Shouldn’t Need A Reason For Not Having Kids

Excellent post thank you so much for writing this. It means so much to very many different types of women.

Thought Catalog

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I wore a maxi dress to work today. The frequency in which I wear dresses to work is about once per month. I am more of a jeans and blouse kind of girl. So on the spontaneous day that I wear a dress like I did today, people notice and sometimes talk about it in the same way they might if I showed up with a tattoo on my face. Most days I don’t mind this. Today was not one of those days.

It was mid-morning and I was chatting with a coworker about my decision to go to 7/11 last night for a glazed doughnut (or two) at 11:00 p.m. I ate the doughnuts right before bed (I had had a day, okay?) and this morning when I woke up the first thing I saw was my crumpled up 7/11 doughnut wrapper on my nightstand staring at me, shaming me…

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She pushed me over…the edge…but you just watched.

She pushed me over,
the edge…but you…you were worse.
you just watched.
As I spread out eagle and jumped off
that great Ravine,
which we call the Edge.

It even surprises me.
This instantaneous
fucked up
suicidal feeling that emerges.

How easy it would be?
To disappear forever-into a pile of
psychotropic pills. To eat them bit by bit
swallow them all whole-just to
never feel this fucked up
anymore.

But I remain steadfast and strong.
I am no longer a goddamn child.
I’m not letting a bitch like you
ruin my life forever.

You already stole away my father-
that much is crystal clear
but what you underestimated
is i fight dirty
i fight back
and fight much harder
than your smack-

of bullshit and lies.
it ain’t worth it.
i refuse to go over an edge for you.
As my father stands silent-just watching me-

as a lucidity of a daydream
as my eyes grow wide-
and I threaten nonsense
I threatened suicide.

just to freak her out a bit.
I am no twit.
I had no intention of dying today.

But you should feel ashamed,
for messing with his mentally ill daughter.
Have you no heart, no moral compass, no inner guide-

Do you feel no remorse
for being a evil bitch
to me? You must be even far more
crazy than I am.

Don’t know why-
he married a fool like you?

Life isn’t always what it seems..

Life isn’t always what it seems,
and here I am
I am feeling green.

fresh, newly painted
a face-lift onto my dusty portrait
in the mirror I see myself
AS IF: All brand new.

Life isn’t always what it seems,
and here I am
feeling blue.

Wishing I was much easier
less difficult, stubborn, moody~
somebody different,
slipping sideways into someone else’s skin~

snakelike, voodoo like a real Doll,
is where I begin,
Again.

And, Life isn’t always what it seems,
and here I am
feeling red.

isolated,feeling a overwhelming
sense
of dread.

No. No. No.
Life isn’t always what it seems,
and here I am
feeling yellow.

I sit with a cup of
coffee-blackened Joe.
Just so you, know
I am only human.

now I’m feeling
somewhat
mellow.

Life isn’t always what it seems,
and here I am
feeling green.

Something brand new
deep inside my skin
itches, trembles, and grows
into a seed of small
beginnings.

Life isn’t always what it seems,
and here I am
feeling naked.
feeling green.
feeling blue.
feeling red.

There is one hell of a messy
palette inside,
my own head.

On The Support of Friends Writing and Art….

very nicely written post! Congrats & many more to come, I do hope so.

missmickeesunshine

I am always astounded at the great inspirational writing and artwork on wordpress I have had the pleasure of experiencing! It never quite seems to be enough to simply click on that I love so much of the writing, poetry, photography, and art of so many talented writers and artists! My friend Emily Sturgill of sexinthekitchensink has set-up my home page and helped me navigate learning how to use this amazing site… thank you Emily for your great amount of patience and understanding. Emily has mentioned my main interest in book reviewing, where my profile page is located where I began as an indie reviewer on Amazon. I have yet to figure out how I’ll post reviews here.
Another friend of mine delivered a manuscript of a book she has written on March 17th, I was astonished she drove across town to bring me the extra copy of her manuscript…

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New Release Finally Available….Artist Chapbook!

My final and second Volume of My Artist Chapbook has just been released on the kindle today.
It is part of the “Art, Art, Art!!! Before Words.” Series, it is the second and final Volume.
To purchase a kindle copy please go here: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00J1QNLYQ

It should also be available as a paperback, soon, I expect in the next few days.

Shakespeare

Random stuff2 008

“For he should make the face of heaven so fine,
that all the world be in love with night.”-Romeo and Juliet

Shooting stars
cover my lover blindly
as night descends so rapidly
rapid, rapid, rapid
rapidly like semi-automatic gunfire
the sky falls down
to swallow us whole
into blackened night.

shooting stars,
but the only light i see
is in my lovers bright beautiful wide blue eyes…

purple skies
for purple stars of creamy bright
and shattering light.

then sooner
than light, Dawn creeps her way in.
She shadows us by pouring sunlight
into each and every crack
upon my lovers tattooed back.

Dawn does come
and she is bringing
the Sun.

you better run fast
faster then the Sun
if you wish to ignore Dawns pleas
and cries.

if your only desperate longing,
is to revisit last night’s
shooting stars
and the snarl of the peaceful net-
the web of sleep
the spider of dreams.

“For he should make the face of heaven so fine,
that all the world be in love with night.”-Romeo and Juliet

Shooting stars
cover my lover blindly
as night descends so rapidly
rapid, rapid, rapid
rapidly like semi-automatic gunfire
the sky falls down
to swallow us whole
into blackened night.

White Noise

back cover

back cover

White Noise 3/12/14

sleep
sleeping
snoring
running
dreaming
softly
he is breathing.

safely
sleeping
soundly
slam
shout
yell
dance
stop
no really stop it.

its all just imaginary.
its white noise
loudly
banging
inside
my head.

sleep
sleeping
snoring
running
dreaming
softly
he is breathing.

he is breathing,
this love,
this Lover
this husband
of mine.

flowers flourish despite the rain…

March Madness,
with a whim and a flurry,
Mother Nature
sings her call.

She calls out to the flowers,
to begin to bud.
She echoes out to the plants,
to begin to grow.

under her ever watchful eyes,
the dance of spring begins with a twirl,
a wave, a recollection of
warm and simple wind.

slowly in our daze of
sheer amazement
winter concaves, collapses, makes room,
for Spring to begin.

and flowers, they flourish
despite the rain,
they refuse to fight the water
instead they drink in the tears
of the Earth- they swallow her secrets
her teardrops of rain.

it makes them
the plants bloated and drunken,
as if by the most scared of wine.

The journey towards forgiveness

I do not usually post blog-style confesionals. I’m much more of a poet, than anything else. In fact in addition to my poetry online, I have been keeping multiple journals at home and handwritten. One is more private confessional journal type enteries and the other is mostly poems, ideas, and sometimes tarot readings I give myself or lists of things to do or lists of music playlists.

HERE…is mostly just where I share poems, unless I am all fired up. Today, I am all fired up and I think its vital to share because it might help others to move forward.

I am all fired up about the notion of forgiveness. In theory, I do believe it is better to forgive even if not forget or forgive ANd forget-whatever works best for you. But in practice I find this to be a slippery slope. i struggle very much on how to forgive, when to forgive and how to let go. Honestly, I hold horrible grudges. And they are horrible in truth because mostly they only serve to hurt me-myself-nobody else.

All that angry righteous high horse b.s. I desperately hold onto-a sense of who iswrong and who is right? Honestly, it does not serve me much any longer-in fact it wears me down, makes me feel guilty and mad, like an angry hornet shook lose from its nest.

so today, I was with my hubby and we were at the bookstore out of nowhere i spotted like the ideal book and he bought it for me with a couple other items. This book is called, “The forgiveness formula: how to let go of your pain and move on with Life.” It was on sale at barnes and nobles-only$6.98-hardcover-by author Kathleen Griffin. @2004.

I am only on pg 16 so far but this book is exactly what i needed to hear at this time. i am in fact blown away.I am just writing about this because forgiveness can be ajourney-a pathwy-towards feeling lighter-less burdened. And in my heart, i realize it is not an easy thing to forgive. That more folks than just myself struggle with it. Holding onto the past so tightly it only distorts your vision of the present moment and it poisons the well of your future happiness. This seems true to me.

Someday I really hope I can learn to forgive, hopefully sooner than later because all this angry i hold deep down inside-it only strangles me-making it harder to breathe making it harder to reign into my sanity. I realize i am not the only sufferer out there but by refusing to allow forgiveness its like picking a scab, bruised and bleeding-the wound will not heal. I know I will not heal either. By the way, I highly reccommend her book-so far its very good.