Slaying the Dragon

Slaying the Dragon,

beneath my silver-tipped sword

shining with encrusted jewels

bright and bold

filled with the enormous certainty

of Faith. Love, and Hope.

 

I stand back and watch

the beast beneath bleed

out all of the Ugly.

The Depression in mood, the negativity, the chip off

my left-hand shoulder

 

it is all released in one fell swoop.

the urgency of his attack at first depletes me.

But then I realize there is strength

beneath all sorrow.

 

My heart hinders me-

if it contains me, and all my soul,

if there is peace and love there

there is little room left for anger and regrets.

 

I take my blade and wipe it clean.

What has driven all my blues away?

Is it a slight victory over lingering insanity?

Or is it a beautiful tainted conquest

this fragment

of a dream?

 

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The Female Roars

The Female Roars off :

my other rarely used blog: http://dirtyfilthybutterflyblues.blogspot.com/

The Female Roars-

(written for Lisa)

 

It starts with an explosion.

Fits of outrage, fur and teeth,

the Lioness Roars

in order to protect her cubs.

 

She is all complete Beauty,

in that mere moment

of raw agony and fierce loyalty.

 

She will fight to the death,

to protect her young ones.

She is a wild force of nature.

 

You do not want to be,

the one who has crossed

her.

 

She has perfected protection,

to the essentials

of sharpen teeth, claws, and

utter strength.

 

To threaten her cubs,

is foolish, and the results

could be very dangerous

if not even deadly.

 

Human Mothers are not

that much different.

When push comes to shove-

 

The Female Roars.

written for Lisa.

Tears fill my eyes leaking out at the corners…

Tears fill my eyes, leaking out at the corners…

is the love i thought i knew,

the love i thought i had with you.

 

Did you ever really love me?

Are you even capable of that?

now, that i have escaped both your grasp,

and your liars heart…

i can listen to my inner voice inside

my head, warning me that you

 

are a very dangerous man indeed.

warning me to not fall for the pity-trap.

to close my ears while you say,please.please.please.

Listen, i will change.

 

and I guess in all this time;

to your credit, you did change

except its for the worst.

 

How did i fall for this?

Was i really so desperate,

for anybody to love me-that

i settled for you???

 

Somebody who loves to love,

and somebody who hates that which

he loves, as a vicious abusive-controlling

mind game.

 

it hurts me deeply-

to realize now after 13 years,

i never knew the real you.

 

it was all stage lightening and fake drama.

you were always an actor,

playing a part,

yet also a wolf lunging for my heart.

 

You could paint a nice story

with words alone. My family adored you.

But they were without all the facts.

 

And i was too scared to tell them on you.

the emotional, mental abuse was more often

then the physical stuff.

 

Despite my Daddy telling me, “Do not ever let a man put his arms on you in anger.”

“Don’t ever let a man hit you.”

Despite these facts-i choose only to see your halo.

The one i gave to you.

 

If only i would have stared harder-

i would have seen it as broken, rusty

an obtusity.

Confusion eclipses me

Confusion eclipses me.

i did not leave you, after-all, in spite of myself;

i still am in love with you.

i want to work things out.

My damn period is three days late…

the test read negative again, but my body feels pregnant…

i do not trust myself-is it just wishful thinking?

or some sort of bipolar-fucked up delusion???

is that even what i want anymore, or will this house built of cards, fall down….

Confusion eclipses me.

you worry for my mental state.

usually when i pack my bags and try to run away from you-

it’s a dead give-away of a mania…

but i think this time is different.

and all these troubles cannot just be pushed,

shoved under a dirty rug.

even you admit, these problems are real-

i’m not making it up…

it’s an ongoing ordeal.

it’s highly ironic that these troubles,

do not stem from us, or our love or our relationship.

these are dysfunctional family issues-

your addict junkie brother, your enabling mother.

the constant tug and war

in this roof i live under.

You’ve agreed to be my hero,

and try this time, at least to try, to attempt

to change these things.

it is something which surprises me.

but in a brilliant, cautious, yet happy way. 

i did not think you would stand by me,

like this, i thought you would tell me to just

get my shit and leave.

people often say blood is thicker than water…

i did not want to make you choose..

which one am i to you, as your wife?

am i blood or water? Or am i a little bit of each?

i hope you can fix this. not an ultimatum.it’s just i feel on the brink.

Something’s gotta give, before i sink

and fall over the edge.

i do not want to give others the power to ruin our marriage-

or even worse hand them the power,

to make me lose my mind again.