The gift

The gift

The gift arrived with little expectations.

it was unwrapped

an open box

it had contained Hope

but like with Pandora’s box the hope

escaped and travelled off with little fanfare.

When I peered inside the box this is when

the hope escaped-it covered my face, it cloaked my outfit, it drizzled me

into rainbows and unicorns.

The gift was unsigned. It was anonymous.

It was not even addressed to me yet i opened it anyways.

It was in a small sparkly white marbled box made

completely of cardboard.

it felt heavy like it weighed a ton this carrying case

of a loaded gun.

This box containing all of the hope required for the entire planet

yet here i had accidently stumbled upon it.

now what?

now what to do with all this foolish hope

laid upon my bare shoulders and entrusted

to me?

Simply believe, is what I find myself whispering to myself.

Simply believe in Hope.

because clearly Hope believes in

me.

And I think that is something scared.

I think that that is something meant to be.

beyond belief

beyond belief-

July 9, 2015

beyond belief

is where I’ve found him.

this sly imp with the devils grin.

the wide open shining blue laughing eyes,

that hypothesize- mesmerise.

they sparkle and shine

showing only a young soul

bearing the heart of one so much

more old.

beyond belief

is where he sleeps

among the places I’ve been dreaming of him.

inspiration found only among

a video web chat

with a clown.

beyond belief to find

a single grain of sand

of this happiness stuff.

It happened to me while I was lost

adrift upon a most troublesome sea.

when i felt i had no one to turn too

yet there he was texting me

comforting me

making me laugh

while my world had silently shattered

and my thoughts and feelings ran numb

chilled to the bone.

i was alone yet not alone

because this friend was there for me.

it was beyond belief.

A stroke of good fortune.

A shiny small scattering of

simple

hope.

A blessing among the ruins.

Beyond belief is where I’ll met him then.

In a place where the Sun meets the horizon.

Where the grass is always greener

and the dreamers always sleep.

Beyond belief is a place built big enough for two

built big enough for hope

built big enough for you.

an iny_tRo_ duction

an iny_tRo_ duction.

life by choice…

Life by Choice-1/5/15

By Emily Sturgill

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life by choice

is not the same as “pro-choice”,

although i must admit

i am one of those too.

life by choice

refers to embracing

every aspect of your life-

as if you chose it,

rather than as if life chose you….

these are the tumbleweed

thoughts spinning gold

in my head

as of this morning

as of this instant…

if i blink my eyes

new thoughts will

appear.

If i hold very still

I can keep these passing

thoughts, these secrets of my mind,

from dancing a jig

or spinning out of line.

If you had the chance,

would you care to dance?

just a small while

while i think and act and see

things new as if i were

a small child?

Children are gatekeepers

of the unknown.

they ask questions about

everything….

but once we’ve grown old

we’re no longer bold.

we stop asking.

we stop pretending, to believe

in things like make-believe

and dreams.

Why this change?

why lose innocence and a sense

of miracles and of belief?

Why not try?

to make-believe

some miracles…again?

why not attempt to nurture

your inner-being-like it were

a small innocent child?

Why not reach out-outwards-to grab its hand?

to grasp its smile?

why must we assume,

just because we have grown up,

that dreams no longer matter-

that make-believe is only

fantasy and games of a child?

wait just a minute-

now close your eyes

remind yourself

of something or someone

you love.

then just sit with that image

inside your minds eye

and allow yourself

to simply sit there

and smile….

hold for a while

until you feel at ease.

feel the beauty surround you-

let go of disbelief.

just allow

whatever you feel.

isn’t it nice,

to simply pretend

every once in a while?

life by choice

refers to embracing

every aspect of your life-

as if you chose it,

rather than as if life chose you….

(Dedicated to all the Daydreamers, and believers out there.)

Dia De Los Muertos~(Day of the Dead)

Dia De Los Muertos

This is one of my favorite holidays

A day to remember,

ancestors passed-the passage of time & the journey

back.

I never learned of this holiday until

after I lost someone I loved

to the great beyond.

And, more have passed on since.

The whole idea of celebrating both Life

and Death, to recall the wonderful

memories, moments and personalities

of someone you loved,

and to honor them

with personal mementos, gifts -a alter

or shrine of the things they once enjoyed.

The entire concept is so amazing

and mystifying to me.

On this day, I often remember,

my mother, my husband’s father, my grandmother

and others I ‘ve lost

ashes to dust.

Strangely enough, I am happy on this day.

Because I try to celebrate the memories

and be thankful with much grace

that I had these wonderful Souls

touch my Life.

In Darkness there is Death,

But also we must remember, in Darkness there is also always light.

Happy Dia De Los Muertos.

Blessings and Peace for all Souls,

lost or otherwise, beneath us just out of reach.

my mom

my mom

Snapshot_20141101My Day of the Dead Tattoo-which I designed myself, back in 2006.

Shakespeare

Random stuff2 008

“For he should make the face of heaven so fine,
that all the world be in love with night.”-Romeo and Juliet

Shooting stars
cover my lover blindly
as night descends so rapidly
rapid, rapid, rapid
rapidly like semi-automatic gunfire
the sky falls down
to swallow us whole
into blackened night.

shooting stars,
but the only light i see
is in my lovers bright beautiful wide blue eyes…

purple skies
for purple stars of creamy bright
and shattering light.

then sooner
than light, Dawn creeps her way in.
She shadows us by pouring sunlight
into each and every crack
upon my lovers tattooed back.

Dawn does come
and she is bringing
the Sun.

you better run fast
faster then the Sun
if you wish to ignore Dawns pleas
and cries.

if your only desperate longing,
is to revisit last night’s
shooting stars
and the snarl of the peaceful net-
the web of sleep
the spider of dreams.

“For he should make the face of heaven so fine,
that all the world be in love with night.”-Romeo and Juliet

Shooting stars
cover my lover blindly
as night descends so rapidly
rapid, rapid, rapid
rapidly like semi-automatic gunfire
the sky falls down
to swallow us whole
into blackened night.

The journey towards forgiveness

I do not usually post blog-style confesionals. I’m much more of a poet, than anything else. In fact in addition to my poetry online, I have been keeping multiple journals at home and handwritten. One is more private confessional journal type enteries and the other is mostly poems, ideas, and sometimes tarot readings I give myself or lists of things to do or lists of music playlists.

HERE…is mostly just where I share poems, unless I am all fired up. Today, I am all fired up and I think its vital to share because it might help others to move forward.

I am all fired up about the notion of forgiveness. In theory, I do believe it is better to forgive even if not forget or forgive ANd forget-whatever works best for you. But in practice I find this to be a slippery slope. i struggle very much on how to forgive, when to forgive and how to let go. Honestly, I hold horrible grudges. And they are horrible in truth because mostly they only serve to hurt me-myself-nobody else.

All that angry righteous high horse b.s. I desperately hold onto-a sense of who iswrong and who is right? Honestly, it does not serve me much any longer-in fact it wears me down, makes me feel guilty and mad, like an angry hornet shook lose from its nest.

so today, I was with my hubby and we were at the bookstore out of nowhere i spotted like the ideal book and he bought it for me with a couple other items. This book is called, “The forgiveness formula: how to let go of your pain and move on with Life.” It was on sale at barnes and nobles-only$6.98-hardcover-by author Kathleen Griffin. @2004.

I am only on pg 16 so far but this book is exactly what i needed to hear at this time. i am in fact blown away.I am just writing about this because forgiveness can be ajourney-a pathwy-towards feeling lighter-less burdened. And in my heart, i realize it is not an easy thing to forgive. That more folks than just myself struggle with it. Holding onto the past so tightly it only distorts your vision of the present moment and it poisons the well of your future happiness. This seems true to me.

Someday I really hope I can learn to forgive, hopefully sooner than later because all this angry i hold deep down inside-it only strangles me-making it harder to breathe making it harder to reign into my sanity. I realize i am not the only sufferer out there but by refusing to allow forgiveness its like picking a scab, bruised and bleeding-the wound will not heal. I know I will not heal either. By the way, I highly reccommend her book-so far its very good.

Today

Today my words don’t come out.

Today silence is all I am about.

My thoughts may scream or

sometimes even shout…

but just for Today that’s not what I am about.

Cold and chilled to the bone.

Icy stone reflections upon

a broken ridged frozen ground-

and when the snow comes softly-

when the snow comes softly

when the snow comes slowly

it never makes a sound.

Collecting itself into white velvet icy tapestry,

beneath its dusty fragile-ness that is a strength that lasts.

It tears us through months of Winter

and winds that howl

winds that blast.

But no more words do I have here-

there is nothing left to say

except tread lightly and admire the silence

of fallen snow

which stole my words Today.

An altar of belief:

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An altar by belief,
stands alone in the north west corner,
of my bedroom.
it is the place onto which,
i allow my beliefs to sit.

every once in a while,
i linger there
lighting three candles,
and say my prayers,
with my heart-
not my lips.

my lips do not seem fit.
to express what my heart
longs and shouts out for;
justice, a good life, an omen
or a sign, to allow
me to practice,

the fine art of allowance and
of course self-acceptance.

magical meditations, covered in mystery.
set the stage for most of human
history.

i have an altar of belief which sits,
upon my north-west corner.
Even if my Gods and Goddesses,
are ancient fairy tales to you…

please respect my beliefs,
as I try to respect yours.
if more folks do not try;
to sway and convert the masses,

think of all the less holy wars,
that would be raging
across many a foreign land.

all it takes is a small slit opening,
into your heart,
and some peace and understanding;
for those who see the world much
differently than you do.

blessings-tidings-mote it be,
hence tied by three.

Good friends are like fine wine…

Good friends are like fine wine,

they only get better with both age,

and time.

A old friendship is a bit like

renewing an over-due book loan,

from the library. Surprisingly, you may find,

that the contents and pages remain the same-

although I am certain there are many more,

brand new chapters which have been added-

since last you read it.

An old friendship, is something that spans many,

many years-and although you are apart-the base

of the friendship, its roots, they remain the same.

Even when you have not, seen your friend in ages-

but if and when you do,

those old feelings of happiness, laughter, love and peace-

loyalties-these all remain the same.

If once,I called out your name,

as my friend,

then as my friend you will forever remain-

unless something horrible happens…

to us both and we forget one another.

Good friends are like fine wine….

dedicated to Angie, Erin, Matthew,Jenny,and many many others, too many to count,

for they litter my life like Stars in my landscape.