Sick of running

Sick of running-

Emily H. Sturgill

May 4, 2015

So sick and tired of running-running away from my feelings/running away from my lover/running away from my best friend/

So sick of running away from this man who im in love with/Its been almost fifteen years now/cannot deny/the more i love/

the higher i fly.

im sick of running.

i am done with the rewind process.

i blink. i cry. i open my eyes.

suddenly stuck back on the rewind.

and its there again. im the misfit. i am only 18. i am running away again.

i run away from my parents home again and again repeatedly.

i run away from the man who loves me-

because of this fear-this phobia-the things i do not dare-to face myself.

So sick and tired of running-running away from my feelings/running away from my lover/running away from my best friend/

So sick of running away from this man who im in love with/Its been almost fifteen years now/cannot deny/the more i love/

the higher i fly.

I am so deeply sorry for my stubborn refusal/to face myself/in a mirror.

I am so sick of running away/deep down/somewhere/inside/i am scared/so i hide./terrified/

So sick and tired of running-running away from my feelings/running away from my lover/running away from my best friend/

So sick of running away from this man who im in love with/Its been almost fifteen years now/cannot deny/the more i love/

the higher i fly.

I am sick of running./i want to just stay home with you/i want to stay/always/near you./im scared/i will lose you./

I cannot promise/that this fear/won’t overcome me/again./but im attempting/to face my demons./to slay them./

So sick and tired of running-running away from my feelings/running away from my lover/running away from my best friend/

So sick of running away from this man who im in love with/Its been almost fifteen years now/cannot deny/the more i love/

the higher i fly.

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Sale Starts Tomorrow: “Sex and the kitchen sink: Poems & Artwork.”

cover art 1 copy

cropped-cover-art-1-copy1.jpg

This is my very first self-published e-book of poetry & art. It was published in Jan 2013. Starting tomorrow it will be a kindle countdown deal and be only just 99 cents to buy. I think I may have arranged to keep it at 99 cents the entire kindle countdown-but I cannot guarantee because I actually do not recall.

Anyways if you follow this link tomorrow it should be reduced to 99 cents:
http://www.amazon.com/Sex-kitchen-sink-poetry-art-ebook/dp/B00AY8B0ES/ref=la_B00B1GC5LY_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1403476376&sr=1-1

Ok. Everybody get off the computer and go enjoy the rest of your Sunday Evening! Peace Out!!!-Sincerely, Emily

updates on “Memoirs recalled Madness” by Emily Sturgill, 2013

After, I thought I was really finished-I changed my mind. I decided that there was a bit more story to tell. So it went from being 73 pages to now becoming 88 pages. Still not very long as far as this type of genre goes…but it is very hard to writing a personal story when some of your memories have been blacked out from tramatic issues or simply manic episode issues.

“Madness recalled memoirs: a personal acconut of living with manic-depressive illness.” is now available again on kindle, with my revisions. The paperback we are still working on-it think it maybe available this weekend Friday or Saturday. This is because normally, I just take advantage of free self-publishing options. The pperbacks through createspace.com are made on demand, which i really nice because it does not cost a fortune to do this.

Yet, they offer a tempting on notch up-option- of expanded distrubution, for a one time fee-(i hope)of $25 per book. Normally, I do not even have $25 which says alot of not so awesome things about me-but basically-I am a struggling author/artist/poet.

My husband is willing to front me the money after he gets paid and thats not untill tomorrow-so we shall see. Like I said with my other books, I never chose this option before.

My other books by the way are mostly a blend of fiction, free-verse, poetry and some of my artworks. There are 7 total so far, just this year. 2013.

This 8th book, is more like a narrative. I tried to do the best writing I could do. It was very difficult to stay track on one topic without getting lost off to the left of right of my original topic and lost in the bushes. I did try. I am pretty much stable these days. but i was not always, and I thought it was important to tell that side of it too. It is all about my battle with bipolar. It goes through childhood to diagnosis, all the way up to my life now.

I was hoping to write a book that could try to explain living with a mental illness to those who do not have one but comfort those who do. Prices previously quoted will remain the same-I believe-$9.99 on kindle and $15.99 as a paperback.

I went back into my book and added a few personal photos-mostly of dead persons-because they do not get mad much. I was raised in a semi-abusive environment-with both parents having mental illnesses. As well, as having alcoholism in my family tree all over the place. I learned early on-that everything going on at home, was “private” or “secret.” which is pehaps the reason i feel guilty even telling the story at all. Also perhaps way, I changed everybodys name to something fake except my own-even my hubsands name-even though he may have not minded-all names were invented into some sort of fakery. I do use my own name. That one is real.

I even decided to omit names of places, cities, or towns….my thoughts were a story like mine could happen anywhere in the usa and i wanted readers to be able to relate to that concept.