When my world came crashing down on me

When my world came crashing down on me-

When my world fell down about my knees

and shards of broken glass were everywhere to be seen

when all hope was lost and darkness fell

somebody reached out towards me in the midst of my mess

my living turmoil of troubles.

They reached their hand into the deep waters and dragged me

to shore. They saved a dying drowning girl who was tattered in ruins and

in love with the Storm.

When my world came crashing down on me-

When the cities were full of burning buildings

and smoke filled my lungs when there were no heroes in site

and nobody to be counted on

this lone man appeared to save me

just randomly

out of the blue

out of the internet

a complete and utter stranger

but somehow I just knew,

to trust him. And so I did and so it began.

a strange sort of friendship with a stranger from a far away land.

And now when I sleep

I only have dreams of really meeting him.

I have dreams of Starlight and of September.

I have dreams of long travels and hopeful

that I can only get my broken compass to work.

I hope that when I am searching my map its the same one he sees.

I hope if I were to dare to take a journey

he would find me.

The gift

The gift

The gift arrived with little expectations.

it was unwrapped

an open box

it had contained Hope

but like with Pandora’s box the hope

escaped and travelled off with little fanfare.

When I peered inside the box this is when

the hope escaped-it covered my face, it cloaked my outfit, it drizzled me

into rainbows and unicorns.

The gift was unsigned. It was anonymous.

It was not even addressed to me yet i opened it anyways.

It was in a small sparkly white marbled box made

completely of cardboard.

it felt heavy like it weighed a ton this carrying case

of a loaded gun.

This box containing all of the hope required for the entire planet

yet here i had accidently stumbled upon it.

now what?

now what to do with all this foolish hope

laid upon my bare shoulders and entrusted

to me?

Simply believe, is what I find myself whispering to myself.

Simply believe in Hope.

because clearly Hope believes in

me.

And I think that is something scared.

I think that that is something meant to be.

beyond belief

beyond belief-

July 9, 2015

beyond belief

is where I’ve found him.

this sly imp with the devils grin.

the wide open shining blue laughing eyes,

that hypothesize- mesmerise.

they sparkle and shine

showing only a young soul

bearing the heart of one so much

more old.

beyond belief

is where he sleeps

among the places I’ve been dreaming of him.

inspiration found only among

a video web chat

with a clown.

beyond belief to find

a single grain of sand

of this happiness stuff.

It happened to me while I was lost

adrift upon a most troublesome sea.

when i felt i had no one to turn too

yet there he was texting me

comforting me

making me laugh

while my world had silently shattered

and my thoughts and feelings ran numb

chilled to the bone.

i was alone yet not alone

because this friend was there for me.

it was beyond belief.

A stroke of good fortune.

A shiny small scattering of

simple

hope.

A blessing among the ruins.

Beyond belief is where I’ll met him then.

In a place where the Sun meets the horizon.

Where the grass is always greener

and the dreamers always sleep.

Beyond belief is a place built big enough for two

built big enough for hope

built big enough for you.

Suckerpunch a girly

Suckerpunched me fast
leaving me completely aghast.
i always warned you.
i tried to tell you.
to never hit me,
to never hit a lady.

you did it out of pure rage
this you claim

in a twisted way
i feel differently.
i think you did it
because you knew secretly how loyal
i was & yet desperately unhappy.

you tricked me
with your fast ex marine corp
boot camp marine
training team

that rolls around quickly
in that messed up head
of reciding hairlines
and many thoughts.

your complicated.
you violated our treaty
you wanted me to leave you
finally gone

like yesterday.

you kne how to hit without
leaving a mark
you knew how exactly how far
you had to go

to rip my ego to pieces
and break my fragile heart.

you needed me to divorce you.
you didn’t have the nerve to divorce
me first.

so you covered up all my love
in tattoos gossip rumors
and edges of sharpen insanity.

well congrats on losing awife.
maybe next time
find a better woman

who can make you
a daddy.
who can make you go from zero
to hero
from one to 60

in less time than
a rooftop of teardrops,
a history of lollipops
a crazy saga of lunacy.

you hit like a girl baby.
you sunkerpunched me
but i lied all over town.

keeping the truth
from clowns
from cops
from family
from friends.

a broken lady gaga romance
its all you ever really wanted,
not a person
as real and honest and as
preciously beautiful as this lost
soul of me.

may 30, 2015 E.h. Sturgill All rights reserved.

an iny_tRo_ duction

an iny_tRo_ duction.

Sick of running

Sick of running-

Emily H. Sturgill

May 4, 2015

So sick and tired of running-running away from my feelings/running away from my lover/running away from my best friend/

So sick of running away from this man who im in love with/Its been almost fifteen years now/cannot deny/the more i love/

the higher i fly.

im sick of running.

i am done with the rewind process.

i blink. i cry. i open my eyes.

suddenly stuck back on the rewind.

and its there again. im the misfit. i am only 18. i am running away again.

i run away from my parents home again and again repeatedly.

i run away from the man who loves me-

because of this fear-this phobia-the things i do not dare-to face myself.

So sick and tired of running-running away from my feelings/running away from my lover/running away from my best friend/

So sick of running away from this man who im in love with/Its been almost fifteen years now/cannot deny/the more i love/

the higher i fly.

I am so deeply sorry for my stubborn refusal/to face myself/in a mirror.

I am so sick of running away/deep down/somewhere/inside/i am scared/so i hide./terrified/

So sick and tired of running-running away from my feelings/running away from my lover/running away from my best friend/

So sick of running away from this man who im in love with/Its been almost fifteen years now/cannot deny/the more i love/

the higher i fly.

I am sick of running./i want to just stay home with you/i want to stay/always/near you./im scared/i will lose you./

I cannot promise/that this fear/won’t overcome me/again./but im attempting/to face my demons./to slay them./

So sick and tired of running-running away from my feelings/running away from my lover/running away from my best friend/

So sick of running away from this man who im in love with/Its been almost fifteen years now/cannot deny/the more i love/

the higher i fly.

Why not?

I don’t understand Why not?

Why not?

Why are you unwilling to give it a shot?

Why not try something new?

Why don’t you trust me?

Why do you not believe me?

Why do you just assume I am

entirely full of shit-about everything?

Why assume I do not know,

exactly what I am talking about?

It hurts me deeply,

when you do not trust me

completely.

I have never told you

any lies on purpose I mean…

Why not?

Why can’t you?

Why do you refuse to

just hold my hand

and try to

simply

just

believe?

Why not?

Love me gently…

Love me gently…

Love me loyally, love me silently and love me strongly.

Love me boldly.

Love me because you dare

to know me.

Love me gently…

as we whisper quietly.

Love me loyally, love me truthfully and love me dearly.

Love me as if you cherish me, even on the days you

do not.

Love me gently, love me with laughter and love me strongly.

Love me boldly.

Love me because you dare

to know me.

Because I will love you back

with all of my insanity, all of my sincere cracks in stability, somehow

I will channel all of my wildest moods

into the form of deeply loving you

and I will always be there

unless I get lost, on my way

of trying to come home to you.

I will love you loudly, soulfully and soundly.

I will love you gently too..

despite anything that comes between

me and you.

For you are my man & the only one

who really understands.

please just don’t stop

loving me, love me gently

so I do not break in half

like a cracked broken doll or

an empty ocean shell

please love me gently

and I will love you back,

totally

& completely

(although that probably sounds a bit creepy-it’s not, it’s just my way of talking-to say that I love you with everything I got…)

By Emily Sturgill 3/25/15

 

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Words Fall

Words Fall-Friday 3/13/15

by Emily Sturgill

Water falls

gushing into puddles

around my thick ankles

there is a secret sincere subtle

grace of cold water crashing down

an upturned face.

Water falls

into foam blasts of wetness

coating the cement, covering stones, crawling over pavement-

-this water

-this life

the way the water captures everything

a downpour of fierce

spring rain or

the terror of a spring flood?

this like water

is how my poetry

how my words

crash down

and

shout out.

The Draw to the Bright side-

The draw to the bright side~10690209_10202380310584146_6677950030328337425_n

Sometimes we begin,

with the best of all attentions,

but we secretly close ourselves

off. We draw the curtains close. We wear

our sunglasses. We begin to feel that there is

no more bright side,

to this life.

But in reality we have shun

the bright side away.

We close ourselves off to illuminations,

We close ourselves off to blue skies,

sunshine, and warm pretty places.

Suddenly our world slips,

from black & white,

into only gray.

We forget about the light.

And the light itself, it grows its wings,

it flies away,

but only because we refuse,

to seek it out.

Life is not only one-sided.

Everyday, there are equal amounts,

of darkness and light

dancing and playing.

Ask yourself, quite honestly, which are

you seeking? The darkness or the light?

Or the beauty found in both?

A glass neither half empty or half full-

remains just a glass, with some water in it

after all…will you drink it or not?

silly questions…

but still  glass remains just a glass.