Stigma sneaks in…

Having a SMI
is not an easy life.
SMI stand for Serious Mental Illness

Sometimes people, even our
so called “friends”
do not have the strength
or reasoning to understand.

And that’s the point of
No return.
That’s where
Stigma sneaks in.

Like a thief in the night
Like darkness or blight
Like a shadow in the brightest
possible light….?

that is where
Stigma sneaks in.

Many are concerned
with mental health
especially when its
happening to others

around us, but just not US.

Sometimes people would
much rather be blind
than search for a light.
than search for some hope,
in the darkest of night.

So that is where
Stigma sneaks in.
Turning Friend against Friend.

Coloring the daily news
with reports of violent
“mentally ill” criminals
Coloring the minds

of everyone we know
making them think
at any moment,
like ticking time bombs,
we will blow.

I’ve lost a few friends
maybe someone you know?
Due to my illness, my differences,
the parts of myself
I dare not to show.

But still they are there.
The things that make me
different from you.

And that’s the point of
No return.
That’s where
Stigma sneaks in.

Like a thief in the night
Like darkness or blight
Like a shadow in the brightest
possible light….?

that’s where Stigma sneaks in.
that’s where friendships end,
due to ignorance and fear.

there’s nothing I can say
or do to change your mind
we already have been through
this all before.

you say its not my illness
but I do not believe you
anymore.

love does not leave

IMAG0906Love does not leave. But sometimes I do. the love itself remains the same. I just have a quirky case of runaway-train-blues. I do not feel like leaving just yet. It wounds him beyond belief whenever I choose to run away. Running away without a compass, a map or even simply a place to stay. His regrets are many what can happen to a mentally ill person-a mentally ill woman-not any woman-but his wife-how can he keep her safe where she runs and flees the people who care the most?

Love does not leave. But sometime I do, the love itself remains the same.

how can i describe ? The feelings of a hurricane jammed into a small 5 x 7 picture frame, frightened to half-death, the weather is messy in here. The moods are wild and frenzied. The person is clearly misunderstood. But how can you understand a lunatic howling at the moon?

How can you understand a tidal wave which is missing its flood?

How can you understand my foreign strange religious views? On New Age, metaphysical, occult and wiccan pagan rituals?

How can an atheist possible relate to the comfort my religion gives to me?

Or how can he understand that each and every spell i have ever done is much akin to prayers?

Should i swallow it all down, tooth and nail, beyond the pale,

that my witchcraft is further proof that i am just another manic-depressive, messy and confounded,

by my own mass confusion-by my own mass solitude?

This is all always used against me,

lit another match and burn me on a stake,

for heavens sake do something quick,

before i wander off aimlessly again…

nowhere to go, no compass, no map, no plan of attack.

love does not leave,

but sometimes i do.

 

The shape and size of stigma

The shape and size of stigma,

it might surprise you. Sometimes it is overwhelmingly Large, Black, and Evil.

You can recognize it by it’s shape of jagged, broken and mean edges.

But not always true.

Sometimes the shape and size of stigma

may shock and surprise you.

Stigma can be seen lurking in the shadows,

among a loved ones face.

Stigma can take the size and shape and form

into the agony of un-relentless “grace”.

Stigma can form your friends and loved ones

into the bare bones of what you believed them to be.

It is the reality of you verses me.

It is the ignorance and confusion in your eyes.

it is the question on your lips-?

She must be sick again, then because, I do

not “get it”.

She must be off her rocker, off her meds, ignoring her doctor…

She must BE: C-R-A-Z-Y. because she is different than me.

Stigma comes in all shapes and sizes.

It may just surprise you.

Some folks cannot possibly understand.

Even though, there are medications

to help the symptoms of mental illness-

the pills themselves do not “cure” mental illness-

the way aspirin “cures” a headache.

The mental illness is part of me-

whether you can accept that or understand it-

i really no longer care.

Your name calling-& your blame calling,

I’ve had it up to here!

You will never understand that my life has daily struggles.

Despite my medications-which i never miss or forget-

Despite my strong relationship with my psychrachist

Despite all the other tons of things I must do each and everyday

to stay relatively stable-despite it all-the everything

Your going to judge me,

label me broken, label me inferior, label me crazy.

Just because putting others down

really makes you feel better about yourself-

for however briefly.

The shape and size of stigma:

it surprises me.

Coming from persons i thought

loved and knew me…but no.

Afterall, they were just waiting to pounce

on me, the moment I fell.

chronic pain

when you suffer from
a chronic pain disorder,
people frequently
try to tell you, that,
the pain you feel
is all made up in your head.

So then therefore, your not only
hurting all over but
your lying or just plain crazy too.

If somebody smiles at you
knowingly and promises
surgery as a cure,
then they may not only be
violating their oath
of do no harm

but they also maybe
clearly wrong.

Why take chances like that?
It’s extreme, and chronically
broken, this healthcare
riot of a system-

we are stuck in.
you try to trust them, after all,
they are doctors right?

however sometimes it pays,
to get a second,
or even third or fourth,
opinion.

Especially, if the doctor
in question appears to
be selling snake-skin oil
claiming its pure gold.

It’s not always easy to see the liars,
from the rest or
who you determine,
is the best.

But if your 6th sense,
is tingling like crazy
like somebody is full of shit
and lying to you,

i would say trust your
heart above all else.
Do not take drastic measures,
if you feel against it.

then follow your own advice.

****one more poem about this: http://dirtyfilthybutterflyblues.blogspot.com/2013/04/meltdowns-from-madness.html