The gift

The gift

The gift arrived with little expectations.

it was unwrapped

an open box

it had contained Hope

but like with Pandora’s box the hope

escaped and travelled off with little fanfare.

When I peered inside the box this is when

the hope escaped-it covered my face, it cloaked my outfit, it drizzled me

into rainbows and unicorns.

The gift was unsigned. It was anonymous.

It was not even addressed to me yet i opened it anyways.

It was in a small sparkly white marbled box made

completely of cardboard.

it felt heavy like it weighed a ton this carrying case

of a loaded gun.

This box containing all of the hope required for the entire planet

yet here i had accidently stumbled upon it.

now what?

now what to do with all this foolish hope

laid upon my bare shoulders and entrusted

to me?

Simply believe, is what I find myself whispering to myself.

Simply believe in Hope.

because clearly Hope believes in

me.

And I think that is something scared.

I think that that is something meant to be.

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beyond belief

beyond belief-

July 9, 2015

beyond belief

is where I’ve found him.

this sly imp with the devils grin.

the wide open shining blue laughing eyes,

that hypothesize- mesmerise.

they sparkle and shine

showing only a young soul

bearing the heart of one so much

more old.

beyond belief

is where he sleeps

among the places I’ve been dreaming of him.

inspiration found only among

a video web chat

with a clown.

beyond belief to find

a single grain of sand

of this happiness stuff.

It happened to me while I was lost

adrift upon a most troublesome sea.

when i felt i had no one to turn too

yet there he was texting me

comforting me

making me laugh

while my world had silently shattered

and my thoughts and feelings ran numb

chilled to the bone.

i was alone yet not alone

because this friend was there for me.

it was beyond belief.

A stroke of good fortune.

A shiny small scattering of

simple

hope.

A blessing among the ruins.

Beyond belief is where I’ll met him then.

In a place where the Sun meets the horizon.

Where the grass is always greener

and the dreamers always sleep.

Beyond belief is a place built big enough for two

built big enough for hope

built big enough for you.

Sad Song to an Old Dog…

Sad song

to an old dog…

You are getting older

slower, sleeping more, you seem

to be hiding from us more often.

i wish you could speak with words

instead of flowing furry feelings,

such sad eyes.

Are you old friend in pain?

Will we know when that time comes?

Will we know when saying goodbye to you,

is the most necessary and humane thing to do?

How will I be able to tell?

When you do not walk so well?

When you stop eating or drinking?

When you stop dreaming?

Will we know when the time comes to put you down?

Will we know when it is best for you, to visit, that fabled “Rainbow Bridge.”??

How do we know when it is best for us to let you go?

A sad sad song for an old mighty dog.

I cannot help but selfish wish,this choice comes later, rather than sooner.

We still love you so very much.

Your a part of Us.

You still eat your treats, wag your tail, jump up to greet us,

still long to play or have a pet between your ears.

So afraid to let go of you before your time.

We never want to hurt you-or desert you.

I hope that day comes later rather than sooner.

I am still not ready for that final goodbye. 

You still have that twinkle in your eye. That smile upon your lips.

A good friend, the best kind.

oh, gosh how will we ever know, when that time comes

to say one last goodbye?

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Paperbacks are available too!!!

For those of you who have enjoyed any of my free e-books or my e-books in general, they are also available on paperback from Amazon.com but also directly from Createspace.com. Createspace creates paperbacks on demand. HERE is a link for most of my titles from the Createspace store:

 

https://www.createspace.com/pub/simplesitesearch.search.do?sitesearch_query=Emily+Sturgill&sitesearch_type=STORE

The price tag of Positivity

The price tag of Positivity
by Emily Sturgill August 5, 2014

Anger
is dreadful.
They say-only think
the shiny sparkle
of happy silver shiny
positive thoughts.

So I in turn
turn my Anger
inside out

focusing the pointy
raw sharp knife edges,
into my own Soul.

I bury this Anger
so deeply…
I have not got a clue
where does it go?

but it does not stay
gone long

the buddha once said,
Life is suffering
and to this I do
agree.

When things are happiest
and seem perfect,
you know that deep down
sooner or later

richer or poorer,
its going to end.

And if we don’t allow
our Big and Wide enough Hearts
to contain Sorrow-
how will Joy ever slip in?

Heart of Tears and Fire-oil pastel and colored pencils by emily sturgill 2014

Upcoming Free Kindle E-book Starts tomorrow!!!

My Volume Two of “Art! Art! Art! Before Words.” by Emily Sturgill (Jan 2014) will be available starting tomorrow August 6-August 10th as a free kindle download.
Here are some reviews:

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful
4.0 out of 5 stars A Delight of Imagery and Creativity…., May 12, 2014
By Michel Short “missmickeesunshine” (Seattle, WA) – See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)
This review is from: Art, Art, Art!!! Before Words.: Volume Two (Art, Art, Art! Before words. Book 2) (Kindle Edition)
“It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves.”.. William Shakespeare

If “Art, Art, Art Before Words: Volume Two” was an oversized hardback, it would be considered a “coffee table book”. This slim striking colorful volume is a delight to the senses! With only one poem, a condensed autobiography, and over 40 images this is a very quick read; this chapbook continues where “Art, Art, Art Before Words: Volume One” left off.

Artist/poetess Emily Sturgill recalls her experience of attending college and completing her education with a serious mental illness (SMI). A brief chronological outline shows her milestones and academic accomplishments. With her husband Dean encouraging her, she graduated with a masters of education in art education and therapy from Wayne State University, Detroit, MI. in 2012. Ms. Sturgill lives in the suburbs outside Detroit with her husband and pets.

The poem: “Painting With Fire” is a joyful expression of creativity, beginning with a hearts desire. The rotation of the nightfall, shooting stars, passion and love, the dawn inviting a new day. Shakespeare is quoted from ‘Romeo and Juliet’ and ‘Hamlet’.

Some of the artworks are from Ms. Sturgill’s earliest college days (1996) to more recent times. My favorites include:
Detroit Landscape: photography.. 2002 ~ Building #3: photography.. 2002 ~ Church: photography.. 2002 ~ Dream: drawing/mixed media.. 1999 ~ Anger: pen/ink drawing.. 1996 ~ Funky Town: photography.. 2002 ~ Goddess: photography/montage.. 2002 ~ Self Portrait: photography/mixed media.. 2002 ~ Flat Planet June: photography/montage.. 2002 ~ Digital Goddess Montage: photography.. 2002 ~ Self Portraits: webcam.. 2014.

Many thanks, and much appreciation to Emily Sturgill for the paperback edition to this beautiful chapbook. I recommend viewing these artist chapbooks on color e-readers for better clarity of the images.

5.0 out of 5 stars I really enjoy Ms. Sturgill’s artwork, July 21, 2014
By socrates – See all my reviews
This review is from: Art, Art, Art!!! Before Words.: Volume Two (Art, Art, Art! Before words. Book 2) (Kindle Edition)
I really enjoy Ms. Sturgill’s artwork. She is a gifted writer as well and I enjoy her poetry books tremendously but it is also nice to view her personal art, some of which she shares in this book. I think readers will enjoy the art and text. I’m a fan of Ms. Sturgill’s work. I was pleased to have a careful look at Art, Art Art!!! Before Words. I recommend it to other readers, particularly art fans.

HERE is a Link:
http://www.amazon.com/Art-Before-Words-words-Book-ebook/dp/B00J1QNLYQ/ref=la_B00B1GC5LY_1_11?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1407299764&sr=1-11

BookCoverPreview Art Art Art before words volume 2 paperback 2014
*****Note I do have many other upcoming promotions coming up so check back often-I know I just set three more e-books onto free promo for the kindle starting August 9-August 13,2014.
You can also visit my Authors page at amazon.com -It is http://www.amazon.com/author/emilysturgill

Push/Pull

Push/Pull

by Emily Sturgill 6/24/14

Push/Pull
that is the sum
of Us.

You pull me closer
just to push me away.

Or this, you pull me closer
and I am the one
to push you away.

Or this?

Do I pull you closer,
as you push me away?

It’s all semantics
this push/ pull game
that we both play.

Nobody is perfect.
And Nobody’s marriage is perfect
either, that one for sure
is true.

Everyday, as I taste my lips
the words I say to you
are
I love you

and you mirror
back to me,
i love you too…

but this push/ pull thing?

Why do we choose
to do the things we do?

And no, I don’t wanna
I don’t wanna
I don’t wanna…

fight and argue
with you.

for one thing
you do not fight fair.
you always fight dirty.

you spin, twist & turn
my words around
like a game of monopoly

you argue only to win,
when I fight with you-
its my attempt
to communicate with you.

in my opinion there are never
winners nor losers.
i want to get down to the middle
to the riddle of our
troubles

and settle the matter.
But you are too keen
on who wins or who loses/
and you are the most sore loser
I’ve ever seen.

why can’t we just agree
to disagree???

this pull/push thing
i hate feeling this way
it sure is a shitty
way to start my day.

If your in front of a door
and you push but nothing happens,
then you must compromise
and pull the door closer

just like me.

The journey towards forgiveness

I do not usually post blog-style confesionals. I’m much more of a poet, than anything else. In fact in addition to my poetry online, I have been keeping multiple journals at home and handwritten. One is more private confessional journal type enteries and the other is mostly poems, ideas, and sometimes tarot readings I give myself or lists of things to do or lists of music playlists.

HERE…is mostly just where I share poems, unless I am all fired up. Today, I am all fired up and I think its vital to share because it might help others to move forward.

I am all fired up about the notion of forgiveness. In theory, I do believe it is better to forgive even if not forget or forgive ANd forget-whatever works best for you. But in practice I find this to be a slippery slope. i struggle very much on how to forgive, when to forgive and how to let go. Honestly, I hold horrible grudges. And they are horrible in truth because mostly they only serve to hurt me-myself-nobody else.

All that angry righteous high horse b.s. I desperately hold onto-a sense of who iswrong and who is right? Honestly, it does not serve me much any longer-in fact it wears me down, makes me feel guilty and mad, like an angry hornet shook lose from its nest.

so today, I was with my hubby and we were at the bookstore out of nowhere i spotted like the ideal book and he bought it for me with a couple other items. This book is called, “The forgiveness formula: how to let go of your pain and move on with Life.” It was on sale at barnes and nobles-only$6.98-hardcover-by author Kathleen Griffin. @2004.

I am only on pg 16 so far but this book is exactly what i needed to hear at this time. i am in fact blown away.I am just writing about this because forgiveness can be ajourney-a pathwy-towards feeling lighter-less burdened. And in my heart, i realize it is not an easy thing to forgive. That more folks than just myself struggle with it. Holding onto the past so tightly it only distorts your vision of the present moment and it poisons the well of your future happiness. This seems true to me.

Someday I really hope I can learn to forgive, hopefully sooner than later because all this angry i hold deep down inside-it only strangles me-making it harder to breathe making it harder to reign into my sanity. I realize i am not the only sufferer out there but by refusing to allow forgiveness its like picking a scab, bruised and bleeding-the wound will not heal. I know I will not heal either. By the way, I highly reccommend her book-so far its very good.