My husband and self, both have many-yet different-emotional scars from our own childhoods.
Sometimes these differences really tear us apart.
I have my reasons-which i will not disclose here-(read my memoirs recalled madness: a personal account of manic-depressive illness by Emily Sturgill 2013-available off Amazon.com for more specific details-)
Anyways, i have my reasons, that
if somebody physical grabs me in anger or is violent at all,
during an argument, i will pretty much cut that person out of my life completely.
If that sounds insane or extreme, I apologize.
However, it is based on how i was raised-that a man should never hit a woman,
nor lay his hands upon her, while in a state of anger/violence.
This is a well-known trigger of mine, that my husband,
has mistakenly set off on separate occasions.
For his part- part of his past were living with parents,
who argued/screamed and yelled everyday.
Thus, his trigger is arguing. When and if we argue,
and he feels bad enough to yell or scream – he tries to grab me,
and force me to listen.
The intimidation of being grabbed
in anger really sets me off,
i never call the police or press charges.
i simply go into flight or flee mode.
i pack my shit and leave.
persons without a history,
of childhood abuse, physical violence,
in my case both parents equally were messed up
until 7th grade when my Dad sought therapy.
My mom did not go into therapy until i was 18.
So i don’t even wanna go there-she was also bipolar.
She is the one, i take the most after.
Dad had OCD among other issues.
But after he got got help, things were better
for a time-at least better he and I.
Mom was another story entirely.
Anyways, about 2 weeks ago,
i was feeling threatened physically by my husband,
so after discussion with 4 different older strong women
in my life i decided to go stay at
a battered woman’s shelter.
Because today is the 2 year anniversary
of our wedding and because he apologized
between 5-7 times, i agreed to comeback home.
its a work in progress.
but im hopeful , since he’s agreed
to attend therapy his own self-
and face some of his own inner demons.