people come, and people go…

Sometimes for

unfathomable reasons i do not fully claim to understand,

people come into your life

serving some unknown undesired unfulfilled

purpose

leaving faint sandpaper scratch marks

upon your heart

just as a pencil leaves a mark

upon an empty page.

these mysterious people for some unknown

reason they reach out and touch

your very soul & shake its roots

down to the core

and then???

who knows?

they disappear just as fast

as breaking glass

its like an accident

fracturing into fragments

which tumble into remnants

of a long forgotten

past.

people come, and people go…

I do not seem to understand the reasons why.

but I am frequently rejected, confused, shattered

in pieces wondering the why?

what did i do?

to drive them away?

what did i say?

What did i do?

to lose a friend

as true as you?

obviously

you never felt the same way.

obviously it was my fault

to think you would feel

the same way

as I

that you would want

to maintain our friendship?

instead you walked away-

or quite possibly-?

more like RAN away AS fast as you can.

I wasn’t sure how I hurt you.

you acted like i never mattered to you

in the first place.

but people come,

and people go…

it’s not for me

to even know-the why, the who the where the how?

just this fact-

that people come

and people go.

Hopes are dashed disappointed merging with depression:

Apparently, they only called to say that they,

“like” me, but not enough to actually “hire” me.

Whipee! I have gotten my fair share of phone calls,

that fall into this category.

She wanted to keep my application on file for future

reference-(so they reject me again? oh boy!) Sure is how I answered.

She also wanted to pass my application along,

to other agencies that they work with-

Sure, great, I said-

as I could feel my brain on meltdown,

the feeling of dread…nobody ever is going to hire me?

wth?

As much, as i try to remain focused and positive,

I keep getting massive and multiple rejections,

at each and every fork in the world…

 

At the end of our conversation, she could not wait

to tell me what an “awesome artist” I am.

Very talented. Not everybody is so lucky.

as an art therapist, i really disregarded, the compliment.

 

I felt literally-and still feel-that that is total bullshit.

I did not verbally say that to her,

instead I explained as an Art therapist, I believe that

Everybody has the power to make art- all it takes is practice.

 

No, no, no she assured me, “You have a Gift.”

 

Well yes, I do. I have the gift of never finding a damn job…

I’ve been looking over 18 months.

I am either OVER-qualified OR UNDER-qualify.

 

I can never get it right.

Getting so frustrated,

just wanna give up this dumb fight.