Depression-an acrostic poem 11/12/15
Doubts
Energy lost
Pain
Regrets
Emptiness
Sadness
Sorrow
I
only
Need something better.
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Tag Archives: depression
lost
lost-10/24/15
feeling lost
little small achey
hurt in a healing heart
feeling small
with hidden jewels of happiness
but i cannot find them all
i am lost
at a loss for words
a word like hope
feels too big for me.
there is a ache in my heart
an emptiness in my chest
a sadness in my soul.
sometimes losing hurts so much
you can forget what winning feels like.
the world gives us both
so much to lose
but so much to win.
i feel lost.
its temporary and i know
that I will find what I am looking for.
the missing muse
the missing muse-
poetry left me
it left my mouth dry
my words dried up as well
depression and mania
stole my creativity
it stole my summer
the rocky rope bridge
between emotional extremes
it extinguished the flame of poetry
my blog was left lonely empty
now new medications
a path to recovery
trying to find my muse
trying to find my voice
trying to find words
to weld into a web of internet
connections and old friends.
an iny_tRo_ duction
Song of Silence
Song of Silence
by Emily Sturgill
4/16/15
A song that is sung silently
hung like a halo
privately
among curses
among the plenty.
A song that hangs mighty
around ones neck
completely
gathered into a noose
of blood red roses
thorns
a song sung silently
drowning out
the obvious
and the sheer
terrors of insanity.
A secret song
sung silently
hung tightly
upon reams
of unwritten
poetry.
Moody Music and black coffee…
Moody music & black coffee
as I rush up
the morning greets me.
Mother in laws
unhappy & her screaming
gets to me.
So I put on a CD of Goth type
moody music & drink black coffee
if I hide upstairs she won’t see me
if i hide upstairs I can pretend
she’s not so unhappy, bristling & angry
at the whole entire everything of her own
personal story & her history.
She is sick right now which
darkens her sky even more
and with all that yelling
she is difficult to ignore.
But I realize you cannot make others happy.
and no matter how hard I try to please
it’s just going to blow up in my face
it’s never going to work out
with her argumentative personality
nothing I say can count.
Also, matter of fact I am sick right now too,
but she lacks the empathy or understanding
that others can also feel sick, no she has to be,
the one worse off & the complete
center of attention.
It bothers me of course-
that I can never catch a break with her.
She lacks the empathy, I once assumed was
a natural part of every single lady.
But she was cast from a different mold.
I try to make her happy but only to
a certain degree because I realize
happiness is virtually impossible
for her, unless she changes her mind
and decides too-to be happy?
Misery is more what’s on her list
& misery loves company-
so she tries to drag me in-into her dramas,
that is why I hide myself
behind a staircase
behind some moody music
and I drink my black coffee
thankful that I am mostly happy
most of the time, anyways.
She is old beyond her years.
She is loud beyond belief,
and I think she needs some happy pills
because she never has relief.
Moody music & black coffee
as I rush up
the morning greets me.
Sadness grabbed there first.
Sadness grabbed there first
before I know what she was.
Sadness grabbed my heart She left
a white marked
trail
along the paths of veins and arteries.
ghostly fingers imprinted her mark
of fine woven sandy fingerprints
of the shadow of
an invisible sadness.
Sadness was a secret sister to me
she held me silently
even on all the days
I wept both crazy and madly.
Sadness she was with me
through everything
almost at all.
She cast a sudden sharp shadow
upon my happiest moments and
memories-She colored the most beautiful of days
into grayness colored ashes
the cremation of happiness
into an ugly urn
only I could see, while because Sadness
She touched me first there.
She grabbed my small heart
and left a lingering loneliness,
She left a longing for
teardrops unspent
a lingering romance
with her own tormentor and invention
a man in a blacken smog suit
some call
by the name
Depression.
The Draw to the Bright side-
The draw to the bright side~
Sometimes we begin,
with the best of all attentions,
but we secretly close ourselves
off. We draw the curtains close. We wear
our sunglasses. We begin to feel that there is
no more bright side,
to this life.
But in reality we have shun
the bright side away.
We close ourselves off to illuminations,
We close ourselves off to blue skies,
sunshine, and warm pretty places.
Suddenly our world slips,
from black & white,
into only gray.
We forget about the light.
And the light itself, it grows its wings,
it flies away,
but only because we refuse,
to seek it out.
Life is not only one-sided.
Everyday, there are equal amounts,
of darkness and light
dancing and playing.
Ask yourself, quite honestly, which are
you seeking? The darkness or the light?
Or the beauty found in both?
A glass neither half empty or half full-
remains just a glass, with some water in it
after all…will you drink it or not?
silly questions…
but still glass remains just a glass.
Resentment in my garden
Resentment in my garden-
I often turn to You
when I have problems or issues with
your Mother, because I cannot interact
with her the same way you do.
You act like I am such a Fool
for bothering You.
For asking you to handle certain things.
It’s unfair of You,
to get angry with Me-
for being unable,
to constantly be taking care of her
and her emotional turmoil
her constant waves
of instability.
You clearly expect Me,
to just shut up & deal with it.
Your at work!
This is not your problem!
You know what?
This is your problem!!!
She is Your Mother-not Mine.
I have more than enough
of my own issues.
So if I contact you -once in a
great while-please do not act
like it’s not your problem,
like I am the one
with all this dirt upon my hands.
You expect me & your youngest brother,
to just shut up & take care
of her all the time!!
there is resentment in my garden.
It grows there like ivy
I envy You
quite honestly.
You cannot even stand to be around her
for more than 30 minutes at a time…
Yet you expect me to pick up the slack,
and constantly try to deal with her
You could help the situation.
But you pretend its a non-issue.
For You perhaps it is.
there is resentment in my garden.
It grows there like ivy
I envy You
quite honestly.
You cannot even stand to be around her
for more than 30 minutes at a time…
Yet you expect me to pick up the slack,
and constantly try to deal with her
But for us, we deal with her daily.
24/7 no breaks involved.
It’s unfair to everybody involved.
Yet you refuse to see,
how being one of Your Mothers
caretakers-takes a toll on me.
Suicide Song
Suicide song-
i think i know why,
the caged bird sings,
because it is loved, fed, petted & talked to.
i think i know why
some people choose to die.
sometimes imagine it
sometimes i feel like i even want it.
the release
the sense of freedom & peace.
the escape…from it all…
two slit wrists
won’t lead me to paradise.
suicide is a terrifying car ride
that crashes and burns
not just taking you down,
but everyone else who cares about you
too.
Still i imagine, a bloody passionate fatal
mistake, which at this point
i am certain i will not make.
but still comes crashing
these thoughts which do burn
my dreams of becoming
someone who learns
from their mistakes.
I do not want to be
stuck deep down in the earth
lying in a cemetery,
I would rather be
that happy, caged bird which sings
because it is loved, petted , fed & talked too.
I am dealing with darkness
not because i really want too,
but because the darkness is here
all around my guilty, neglected, hateful
traitors heart.
two slit wrists
won’t lead me to paradise.
suicide is a terrifying car ride
that crashes and burns
not just taking you down,
but everyone else who cares about you
too.
