people come, and people go…

Sometimes for

unfathomable reasons i do not fully claim to understand,

people come into your life

serving some unknown undesired unfulfilled

purpose

leaving faint sandpaper scratch marks

upon your heart

just as a pencil leaves a mark

upon an empty page.

these mysterious people for some unknown

reason they reach out and touch

your very soul & shake its roots

down to the core

and then???

who knows?

they disappear just as fast

as breaking glass

its like an accident

fracturing into fragments

which tumble into remnants

of a long forgotten

past.

people come, and people go…

I do not seem to understand the reasons why.

but I am frequently rejected, confused, shattered

in pieces wondering the why?

what did i do?

to drive them away?

what did i say?

What did i do?

to lose a friend

as true as you?

obviously

you never felt the same way.

obviously it was my fault

to think you would feel

the same way

as I

that you would want

to maintain our friendship?

instead you walked away-

or quite possibly-?

more like RAN away AS fast as you can.

I wasn’t sure how I hurt you.

you acted like i never mattered to you

in the first place.

but people come,

and people go…

it’s not for me

to even know-the why, the who the where the how?

just this fact-

that people come

and people go.

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Rituals

Rituals to settle me.
Rituals to calm me, when i find distress.
I’m obsessively listen to the same M.Ward CD
all afternoon and all night long.

I know the true reason.
I’m just feeling stress.
But listening to the same CD
over and over on repeat-

it’s like a treat.
I barely notice the music, or lyrics
anymore, i use some crazy-ass form
of hypnosis on myself.

If i play the music that makes
me feel happy-over and over again-
like a wish will the happy come true?

will the sounds soothe my frazzled
burned out shell
of a mind?
does it help that it rhymes?

I think so.
i just wanna make the bad mood-
go-dissipate-disappear-evaporate?
my nerves are fried.
almost as bad as my brain.

So i listen and listen again.
All songs are on repeat,
as i try to clear my
cluttered mind

of all the endless useless
thought grime.

Sing a song,
dance to music,
be happy…
now if only?

If only i could block it all out?
Just want to start today over again,
longing to undue, the bad mood
I’ve been in, feeling blue.