an iny_tRo_ duction

an iny_tRo_ duction.

FREE E-Books to download starting tomorrow 4 poetry & artist chapbooks and 1 personal memoir!

Upcoming Free Kindle ebook Downloads*****Starts tomorrow!!
Four of my Artist & Poetry chapbooks will be free to download as Kindle ebooks:

1-“Do not cry me a River of Crocodile Tears.”(2013)
2-“In Exile from Maxwell park:poems” (2014)
3-“Butterfly rimmed eyeglasses and the trouble with Tuesdays.”(2013)
4-“Red Bones.”(2014) be free to download. These titles will be free from 12/27/14-12/31/14.To download any of these titles please visit my Amazon.com‘s Author Page:www.amazon.com/author/emilysturgill    OR

http://www.amazon.com/Emily-Sturgill/e/B00B1GC5LY

In addition, my personal memoir about living with bipolar disorder,
5-“Memoirs recalled Madness: a personal account of living with manic-depressive disorder.” (2013) will also be free to download from 12-27-14 through 12/31/14.
To download #1 go HERE: http://www.amazon.com/not-cry-River-Crocodile-Tears-ebook/dp/B00DRN85YA/ref=asap_B00B1GC5LY?ie=UTF8
To download My Memoirs on living with Bipolar Disorder/Manic Depression please go HERE:
Keep checking my blog for Kindle deals, I have more deals starting on Dec 28-Jan 21, 2015.
Happy Holidays!!! If you have never read any of my ebooks but do enjoy this blog, the poetry in the books is very similar and I also add my own original artwork as well. You may enjoy them but it’s worth a look. They will be free so you can always delete later, if you decide you hate it or its not your cup of tea. Reviews are highly welcome-both positive or negative I enjoy feedback of any kind because it allows me to become more in tune with what readers like and what they do not care for.Thank you.-Emilywpid-cam01434.jpg Snapshot_20141223_3 Snapshot_20141223_4

The journey towards forgiveness

I do not usually post blog-style confesionals. I’m much more of a poet, than anything else. In fact in addition to my poetry online, I have been keeping multiple journals at home and handwritten. One is more private confessional journal type enteries and the other is mostly poems, ideas, and sometimes tarot readings I give myself or lists of things to do or lists of music playlists.

HERE…is mostly just where I share poems, unless I am all fired up. Today, I am all fired up and I think its vital to share because it might help others to move forward.

I am all fired up about the notion of forgiveness. In theory, I do believe it is better to forgive even if not forget or forgive ANd forget-whatever works best for you. But in practice I find this to be a slippery slope. i struggle very much on how to forgive, when to forgive and how to let go. Honestly, I hold horrible grudges. And they are horrible in truth because mostly they only serve to hurt me-myself-nobody else.

All that angry righteous high horse b.s. I desperately hold onto-a sense of who iswrong and who is right? Honestly, it does not serve me much any longer-in fact it wears me down, makes me feel guilty and mad, like an angry hornet shook lose from its nest.

so today, I was with my hubby and we were at the bookstore out of nowhere i spotted like the ideal book and he bought it for me with a couple other items. This book is called, “The forgiveness formula: how to let go of your pain and move on with Life.” It was on sale at barnes and nobles-only$6.98-hardcover-by author Kathleen Griffin. @2004.

I am only on pg 16 so far but this book is exactly what i needed to hear at this time. i am in fact blown away.I am just writing about this because forgiveness can be ajourney-a pathwy-towards feeling lighter-less burdened. And in my heart, i realize it is not an easy thing to forgive. That more folks than just myself struggle with it. Holding onto the past so tightly it only distorts your vision of the present moment and it poisons the well of your future happiness. This seems true to me.

Someday I really hope I can learn to forgive, hopefully sooner than later because all this angry i hold deep down inside-it only strangles me-making it harder to breathe making it harder to reign into my sanity. I realize i am not the only sufferer out there but by refusing to allow forgiveness its like picking a scab, bruised and bleeding-the wound will not heal. I know I will not heal either. By the way, I highly reccommend her book-so far its very good.

Yesterday’s Flowers and Other things. Poetry and Art by Emily Sturgill

A brief poetry reading from my most recent book.
If interested in buying it please visit:
http://www.amazon.com/Yesterdays-Flowers-other-things-poetry-ebook/dp/B00HX46KLE/ref=la_B00B1GC5LY_1_14?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1392745194&sr=1-14
It is $5.99 on kindle and $14.99 as a paperback.

Book review

http://www.amazon.com/Brief-Thriving-Individuals-Mental-Illness/dp/1304490920/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1392302957&sr=1-1&keywords=A+brief+guide+to+thriving+for+individuals+with+Mental+illness+and+their+loved+ones

In this book, Dr. Abbott addresses several basic issues and concerns, which would be very useful to anyone diagnosed recently with mental illness, or that person’s friends and family.She presents a model of Recovery in five stages. Dr. Abbott writes that she adopted-(invented perhaps?)-this model, after studying similar models such as the well known 5 stages of Grief/ Loss or certain recovery from addiction models.However she contrasts her model by pointing out while other models are static, hers is not. She feels her model is more fluid-to me her model almost seems circular-although we both agree that a person in any process form of recovery from mental illness may repeat these stages or regress or progress at different stages.

As she points out many with mental illnesses may go in and out of these stages at any given time. Here are her five stages: 1. Psychological Changes 2. Self-Awareness of those changes 3.Receiving help.4. Acceptance of ones own mental illness. 5.Reaching out to others. She does explain not everyone will complete this entire process outlined. The last step is the hardest-to deal with stigma and to reach out to others in need-still suffering-while this is noble-not everyone is capable of this or even wishes to try this.(the author does acknowledge this fact.) Also in this book she recounts her own story of mental illness. I do wish that this section was longer and that she would have expanded. But this is a brief guidebook, I do understand why her focus is not on her personal experiences so much. She centers on the issues faced by those with mental illness and how to help.

This is an useful resource no matter what stage of recovery you are in. This book is ideal because it emphasizes two things; You are not alone and there are a multitude of ways you can help yourself.
One last thing I would like to add, is what the Author says about Hope: “The self-fulfilling
prophecy studied by psychologists, includes the idea that what we continue to believe about ourselves or our future will Eventually come to be. It’s essential to maintain a positive outlook about yourself and your future.”(2013, Abbott.L, p.26)

Putting out wild fires

I have had 6 reviews so far as an Author on Amazon.com. 4 of the 6 were high praise. But 2 of the 6 were from the same person making very negative statements on my work, just one in particular, My “Memoirs recalled Madness: a personal account of living with bipolar disorder.” (2013) by Emily Sturgill. This young lady wrote basically that even though she bought my paperback she deemed it unworthy of reading due to grammar errors.

At the time, I was highly offended. But it was also close to the time, when I was becoming hypo-manic in May. I made harsh statements due to being so taken off-guard and did not respond in a professional way. Now there is a second woman leaving negative statements as comments, based on my over-reaction in trying to defend my work.

So I choose to simply re-edit it and re-release it. Then I attempted to apologize to both women.

You, know you cannot please everyone all of the time. I feel lucky to have positive reviews at all. And I have also said even if you have nothing nice to say, that perhaps it would make me a better writer for that. I have never discouraged negative reviews-I think I try to be receptive to any feedback of all kinds.

I don’t know. I still feel shaken up about the whole thing. I still have trouble understanding how someone would pay so much for a paperback then refused to read it due to grammar errors. Like for me, if she had actually read it-which she claims she did not-and judged it poorly on the basis on how I said things or content-what I was writing about THEN wrote a bad review-well then ok BRING IT ON. But to admit you never finished reading it and then review that the whole thing must suck due to errors you found in the first ten pages? Huh? The book is 88 pages long. I know I am more touchy about it, for a few reasons. First it’s based on my real-life story events. As well and as personal as I could tell them. Second, that is not my typical type of writing or genre.I mostly wrote just poems and prose. There’s a reason for that. I do not have the attention span some other Authors do to develop a plot and to really stick with it. Develop characters not to mention a solid beginning, middle and end.

Still, in my defense, I have been told many times that I write well. The responses between the two other woman towards me were just plain ugly.I felt like I was being-cyber-bullied!!! At the same time, I feel they have a right to their opinion. My loving husband disagrees. He reported their comments as abuse to Amazon. He cited them or at least the first person to be making personal attacks. I’m not sure how that works. They did not use obscenities or anything like that they were just both so very mean. My mistake, was ever commenting on the review in the first place-it added fuel to the fire. Now I am trying to put out wild fires. I realize as an Author, or Artist or Poet-you are putting yourself out there. People may not like your work, in fact they may even hate it. But sometimes, it is hard to separate who you are as a person from the work that you do. In spite of all the really wonderful reviews, the bad and ugly reviews stick out like a sore thumb. And that is MY PROBLEM-not theirs. I need a thicker skin.

If any other self-published authors out there have advice on this? Please comment on my blog. I have no idea what I am doing wrong. Obviously, I did not run a spell-check and grammar-check before publishing my memoirs. That’s my bad judgement there. I do not really use the spell-check feature when writing poetry or prose, because it’s different. When writing poems you may not want a capital letter at the beginning of each and every line. It annoys me.If there is a obvious spelling error I do fix that.

Am i really getting my panties all twisted into a bunch over what 2 woman said on the internet?? Does that make me the worlds worst, writer, author, artist and poet? Anybody out there have objective advice on taking criticism and handling it well? I would love to hear from you? Please, Please, please…any of my readers feel free to comment on the post. I’m a bit lost. However, I am still working on a new book. I am not going to stop writing over this or anything-even if folks hate it. I’m going to suck it up and keep writing no matter what. Thanks, Emily

updates on “Memoirs recalled Madness” by Emily Sturgill, 2013

After, I thought I was really finished-I changed my mind. I decided that there was a bit more story to tell. So it went from being 73 pages to now becoming 88 pages. Still not very long as far as this type of genre goes…but it is very hard to writing a personal story when some of your memories have been blacked out from tramatic issues or simply manic episode issues.

“Madness recalled memoirs: a personal acconut of living with manic-depressive illness.” is now available again on kindle, with my revisions. The paperback we are still working on-it think it maybe available this weekend Friday or Saturday. This is because normally, I just take advantage of free self-publishing options. The pperbacks through createspace.com are made on demand, which i really nice because it does not cost a fortune to do this.

Yet, they offer a tempting on notch up-option- of expanded distrubution, for a one time fee-(i hope)of $25 per book. Normally, I do not even have $25 which says alot of not so awesome things about me-but basically-I am a struggling author/artist/poet.

My husband is willing to front me the money after he gets paid and thats not untill tomorrow-so we shall see. Like I said with my other books, I never chose this option before.

My other books by the way are mostly a blend of fiction, free-verse, poetry and some of my artworks. There are 7 total so far, just this year. 2013.

This 8th book, is more like a narrative. I tried to do the best writing I could do. It was very difficult to stay track on one topic without getting lost off to the left of right of my original topic and lost in the bushes. I did try. I am pretty much stable these days. but i was not always, and I thought it was important to tell that side of it too. It is all about my battle with bipolar. It goes through childhood to diagnosis, all the way up to my life now.

I was hoping to write a book that could try to explain living with a mental illness to those who do not have one but comfort those who do. Prices previously quoted will remain the same-I believe-$9.99 on kindle and $15.99 as a paperback.

I went back into my book and added a few personal photos-mostly of dead persons-because they do not get mad much. I was raised in a semi-abusive environment-with both parents having mental illnesses. As well, as having alcoholism in my family tree all over the place. I learned early on-that everything going on at home, was “private” or “secret.” which is pehaps the reason i feel guilty even telling the story at all. Also perhaps way, I changed everybodys name to something fake except my own-even my hubsands name-even though he may have not minded-all names were invented into some sort of fakery. I do use my own name. That one is real.

I even decided to omit names of places, cities, or towns….my thoughts were a story like mine could happen anywhere in the usa and i wanted readers to be able to relate to that concept.

still working…on my writing..

I edited and re-edited as best as I could. My memoir is now 73 pages long. I tried to fluff out as many details as possible. My memories are not quite like they used to be. I would blame it on being middle aged but i doubt that’s the whole story. Endless years of manias, depressions, hypo-manias, and psychosis plus very strong medicines-creates a hazy recall.

It helps that I have had a somewhat stable long term romance for almost 13 yrs now. He fills in my blanks when I cannot-or just do not really want to remember. Some of it-i push as far back into my subconscious as humanly possible.

It is really hard to sum up a life-story of living on the edges between madness and normalcy. Although, that was the illusion i was shooting for…

Now, that I finally submitted it it should be approved in the next few days. We-hubby and I-are considering paying extra for distributions this time, If we do do that it’s possible it maybe available on demand through libraries and Barnes and nobles. That means you would need to request it and then they would order it for you. 

I’m not sure if I am good enough….worth a snowballs chance in hell, i guess…

In case anyone is curious I will give you a preview of the book cover- if i can find it on my cluttered laptops desktop. It looks like somebody threw up files everywhere-hubby says im a hoarder with so many icons on my desktop. LOL…Image

The paperback version is going to be $15.99, and it will be 8.5 x11, white pages colored images-some art not that much-some personal photos and a hell of alot of memories. This picture is how the front cover will look.

disappointment

troubled by crushing blows,
of disbelief and utter disapointment;
literally i am quite the sight.
this mess of me,
broken-ego, wounded heart,unforseen
occurances…

disappointment is the color of coffee-stained,broken edged
teeth, shadowed by chipping lipstick,
the color of imperfection but
i never claimedto be anything other…

than what i am/what i am not.
i just don’t get why people,
“follow” my blog or “like” it-
but when i just ask for one or two-
small comments…
pieces of feedback?

nobody ever answers.
i feel like i am shouting into the vast ;
blacken pit of the internet,
and there are no real people there,
just emptiness….

real folks talk the talk,
real folks walk the walk,
real folks do not “pretend to be nice”
just because it’s much too embrassing,
to have a God-honest-opinion,
about something.

I wrote yesterday, about asking for a
small favor-just a wee response on
how a website looked, 6 people clicked “like”
but nobody answered me at all….

no feedback-what so ever…

i want so much for this blog to be much more interactive,
where people may be brave enough,
not only to “like” something, just a click away-

but instead leave me a real folk comment,
a sentence on why or what made you like it?
Or if you think i suck, that’s ok too-please tell me,
so I know….

i’m graping at straws,
quite literally here.
Whats good about having a blog,
if no-one ever gives an feedback of
any shape or kind?

Did i ask too much?
I’m sorry, if i did.
I never thought we were friends ,
but, perhaps my mistake was thinking,
you were a friend to the written words,

these blood,sweat and tears,
i post pieces and fragments of my soul,
here all the time.

is anybody out there?
is anyone listening?
does anyone even read this stuff?
or do i just buzz by,
like another annoying blogger fly?

Dreamcatcher and other poems

Dreamcatcher and other poems

Free promo starts this Sunday. My newest e-book will be available to download for free for only a 48 hr period starting this Sunday 2/24/13.
It is 29 pages of poems plus artwork. It can be downloaded through amazon.com. Just visit my authors page at http://www.amazon.com/emilysturgill. Also please if you download any of my books-could you leave a comment or review on my authors page? I’m looking for as much feedback as possible, as I am a new author.