FREE E-Books to download starting tomorrow 4 poetry & artist chapbooks and 1 personal memoir!

Upcoming Free Kindle ebook Downloads*****Starts tomorrow!!
Four of my Artist & Poetry chapbooks will be free to download as Kindle ebooks:

1-“Do not cry me a River of Crocodile Tears.”(2013)
2-“In Exile from Maxwell park:poems” (2014)
3-“Butterfly rimmed eyeglasses and the trouble with Tuesdays.”(2013)
4-“Red Bones.”(2014) be free to download. These titles will be free from 12/27/14-12/31/14.To download any of these titles please visit my Amazon.com‘s Author Page:www.amazon.com/author/emilysturgill    OR

http://www.amazon.com/Emily-Sturgill/e/B00B1GC5LY

In addition, my personal memoir about living with bipolar disorder,
5-“Memoirs recalled Madness: a personal account of living with manic-depressive disorder.” (2013) will also be free to download from 12-27-14 through 12/31/14.
To download #1 go HERE: http://www.amazon.com/not-cry-River-Crocodile-Tears-ebook/dp/B00DRN85YA/ref=asap_B00B1GC5LY?ie=UTF8
To download My Memoirs on living with Bipolar Disorder/Manic Depression please go HERE:
Keep checking my blog for Kindle deals, I have more deals starting on Dec 28-Jan 21, 2015.
Happy Holidays!!! If you have never read any of my ebooks but do enjoy this blog, the poetry in the books is very similar and I also add my own original artwork as well. You may enjoy them but it’s worth a look. They will be free so you can always delete later, if you decide you hate it or its not your cup of tea. Reviews are highly welcome-both positive or negative I enjoy feedback of any kind because it allows me to become more in tune with what readers like and what they do not care for.Thank you.-Emilywpid-cam01434.jpg Snapshot_20141223_3 Snapshot_20141223_4

Fools rush pass…

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Fools Rush pass-

by Emily Sturgill 2/10/14

Fools gold

sparkles as the sunlit

window curtains bend,sway and crack-

leaving a frosted glimpse

of a patch of light

so strong and bright

reminding me of

pyrite

commonly called:

Fools Gold.

It seems to be fitting,

as it is cold bare winter, bone-chilling

yet the Huge Sun in the Sky

teases us again with bright shiny light-

with no warmth in sight.

I am singing pyrite, pyrite, pyrite!!!

Shameless the Sun as it pours

Fools Gold down on us again.

Music Lifts me up

Music Lifts me up,

when I am crashing downwards,

just hearing a favorite song or favorite singer-song-writer,

puts a smile on my heart,

and on  my face as well.

 

Music Lifts me up,

when times are tough.

Just the joy of listening

to a familiar and favorite tune-

is enough to help me-chase those blues away.

 

Music Lifts me up,

it is poetry for the soul.

It is something so sublime, shifting my

subconscious, into a nicer, softer place.

 

Sometimes, I like to sing along,

especially while i’m driving in my car,

or sitting in the car as my husband Deano Drives…

He likes the way I sing,

it is always a surprise that he approves of my singing.

He likes to sing along too.

 

Music Lifts me Up.

taking me places, i have never been before.

Carving out new memories,

like a long lost friend.

Music takes me everywhere,

 

I want to go, because

Music Lifts me up.

Failure feels like this:

Failure feels like this,

where you want something so very badly,

and nothing you can ever do,

will reach the high bar.

Others do all the jumping,

from one goal to the next like a gymnast

on the high bars flipping back and forth

jumping this way and the next with

such divine grace.

If I tried to do all that fancy stuff,

I would simply fall down,

right onto my face.

failure feels like this.

Failure feels like you are trying so hard, its too hard,

and you are over-shooting the mark.

For some it is so easy, to start a family,

for others there are far too many obstacles.

No matter how hard I try,

to cope, to accept, to understand

I will never be someone’s mother…

deep down inside there is a small voice,

which whispers, what if?

And I squash that voice down, becomes,

it longs for the impossible.

A barren wasteland bears no fruit-

nor do i, nor do i, nor do i…

failure feels like this.

Something broken

She cannot put a finger

on why, but there is something there

deep inside

broken and rusted

despite being encased in honey

and a touch of lovely

love.

She knows that the two parts must connect

come together and securely fit

in a mechanical motion

to produce an organic product

1/2 of her and 1/2 of him

that’s all the recipe calls for

and yet she cannot put her finger on it.

The two come as one well-maintained machine,

but nothing is ever produced or created.

She does not know why,

simply feels the bareness

on the inside

longing to know why she cannot fix

the broken pieces deep inside

and she just feels

a touch of something kinda, something that is, something where the;

sadness grows.

 

frustration mounts & eats my soul away…

Frustration mounts…and eats my soul away.

Devouring me from the inside out.

I will never be able to be normal,

and I don’t know what that’s all about….

 

I’m just another random head-case,

trapped beneath a system of doubt.

a broken down merry-go-wheel ride,

of social security benefits and random poverty.

 

I would love if just one of my nameless,

faceless republican family or friends,

would attempt to live high on the horse,

with my government income of barely $6,000.00 per year.

 

They make such a big deal out of,

that fact that i should be “grateful” for benefits…

Grateful, for what for being even more poor, than everybody else?

I make way less than min. wage

 

I should have never gone to college anyway.

Or the University, what a joke!

My older sister skipped all the academics,

worked very hard on her way to the top, too.

But she did not play a fool,

as I tend to do.

 

I wasted 19 years of my life in college or at the university.

I cannot help but be bitter by it.

Now what i owe in student loans, could buy a fancy house,

which i will never afford.

 

I do not even qualify to get hired at a min. wage job.

My mind today is set on meltdown.

So much frustration,

Ever hear of the so-called – law of attraction?

 

According to this ever popular theory,

I choose a mental illness

to become my entire life-story.

 

I choose a life with poverty, crime, being a victim of

both a few violent muggings and a couple of rapes.

 

Somehow, this was all decided by me.

I say bullshit to that.

I am not flowery or happy today.

Today I am just me, brittle, bruised and feeling

under attack.

Rituals

Rituals to settle me.
Rituals to calm me, when i find distress.
I’m obsessively listen to the same M.Ward CD
all afternoon and all night long.

I know the true reason.
I’m just feeling stress.
But listening to the same CD
over and over on repeat-

it’s like a treat.
I barely notice the music, or lyrics
anymore, i use some crazy-ass form
of hypnosis on myself.

If i play the music that makes
me feel happy-over and over again-
like a wish will the happy come true?

will the sounds soothe my frazzled
burned out shell
of a mind?
does it help that it rhymes?

I think so.
i just wanna make the bad mood-
go-dissipate-disappear-evaporate?
my nerves are fried.
almost as bad as my brain.

So i listen and listen again.
All songs are on repeat,
as i try to clear my
cluttered mind

of all the endless useless
thought grime.

Sing a song,
dance to music,
be happy…
now if only?

If only i could block it all out?
Just want to start today over again,
longing to undue, the bad mood
I’ve been in, feeling blue.