people come, and people go…

Sometimes for

unfathomable reasons i do not fully claim to understand,

people come into your life

serving some unknown undesired unfulfilled

purpose

leaving faint sandpaper scratch marks

upon your heart

just as a pencil leaves a mark

upon an empty page.

these mysterious people for some unknown

reason they reach out and touch

your very soul & shake its roots

down to the core

and then???

who knows?

they disappear just as fast

as breaking glass

its like an accident

fracturing into fragments

which tumble into remnants

of a long forgotten

past.

people come, and people go…

I do not seem to understand the reasons why.

but I am frequently rejected, confused, shattered

in pieces wondering the why?

what did i do?

to drive them away?

what did i say?

What did i do?

to lose a friend

as true as you?

obviously

you never felt the same way.

obviously it was my fault

to think you would feel

the same way

as I

that you would want

to maintain our friendship?

instead you walked away-

or quite possibly-?

more like RAN away AS fast as you can.

I wasn’t sure how I hurt you.

you acted like i never mattered to you

in the first place.

but people come,

and people go…

it’s not for me

to even know-the why, the who the where the how?

just this fact-

that people come

and people go.

Advertisements

The thick & the thin

The thick & the thin

by Emily Sturgill

01/01/15

The thick & the thin

defines the mess we are in.

You always stand by me,

no matter how hard I

fall

from your graces.

Through the thin & the thick,

you always do catch me,

when I tumble then fall,

steadily crashing

busting into flames

before my mess hits the pavement

you have gotten me once again-

off the brick, the edges of lunacy

and the insane.

Through the good times and bad,

whether we are happy or sad,

through thick and through thin,

you are always one,

to cheer me on farther

to pass the finish line

to win

any race, when I bow down

breaking into pieces

shattering smile

broken in half

like an upside down clown.

You try to not judge me.

You simply stand there with nerve

and continue to love me.

Through the thin & the thin

look at the mess we are in!!

(dedicated to my hubby Dean)

Courage, I thought I lost you.

Courage, I thought I lost you.

Each time I would peer into the mirror,

just briefly-horrified by this creature of me.

Slowly, I began to evolve.

My outside appearance had not changed-

yet my reaction to Her did.

The woman lost beneath this mirrors edge.

So softly, so slowly, I began  to peal away

years of mistrust,

years of disgust.

No more can I

shame her.

Instead I must try my damnest

to accept and even love Her.

I must be brave and learn to smile

again at a reflection

which tells no lies.

Courage, I thought I lost you

but you were here with me and Her too

beneath a wall

of reflection

and hesitation.

Searching secrets

Searching among a sea of Secrets.

Looking for answers buried deep

inside my core

So much slips by

my subconscious eye.

 

Somedays I do not know

where I begin and where my illness,

fits in.

Stability is the ultimate goal.

To mend what is broken

To become whole.

 

Yet the parts I try

to deny linger and remain

a constant refrain in the chorus

which settles for

background music of a sort,

the melody of manic-depression.

 

So much regression, so much tug & back

then forth-some days I have clarity

and others I wish I did not.

The stuff I block out

The mysteries of that which makes me-

me.

 

Knowingly, I must struggle

to accept all the parts of my self

even the sick bits and pieces-

until I am able to embrace it all

to stake a claim-

there remains

a subdivision between this mood

or the next.

 

Trying my best, not only

to recover but to re-discover

the parts I try best to never see.

The big, the bad, the ugly

even the beautiful

of me.

 

 

Daily Reminders

The Glorious daffodils, and daisies-

the tulips and irises of days passed.

Recalling the Springtime of the Yesterdays-

before the valley of your death.

Sometimes, I feel so lost in the memories.

I can almost hear your laughter-still ringing in my ears.

It was laughter of the joyous sort,

You would always be filled with jokes,

and laugh along beside us.

There were of course the bad times too.

But that is not how-I choose to remember you.

I am forever fond of your big heart.

It is a fitting tribute that the perennials,

which you planted-

each year they keep coming back.

I still miss you, but it is a bit less-

when I see all the wonders you’ve left us,

you did

your very best.