Artist Talk Registration ends soon!!

http://pinterest.com/pin/273312271109214992/

I’m hosting an Artist Talk & Artist workshop at The Art Experience in Pontiac MI on Tuesday June 25,2013. The event will take place between 6:00pm-8:00pm. They are asking that people interested please register in advance by June 18, 2013- go to:http://www.theartexperience.org/2013_Summer_ScheduleofClasses.html   to register.

The topic will be on “Recovery in Mental Health through the use of Art-making.” I will give a presentation based on my own personal account of living with bipolar disorder/manic-depression for over two decades. And how this has impacted my Artwork and ultimately led me onto a path of becoming an Art therapist. Then there will be a short Q and A followed by an Art Demo of two different watercolor resist techniques. Lastly the participants will be invited to create their own artwork. All supplies are included in ticket cost-of $20 per person.

Please click on the two links above for more info:

You can also visit http://www.theartexperience.org

Flyer Art Talk no 4 copy Art photos 1.17.13 024 IMG_20121228_161438 IMG_20121228_161333 IMG_20121228_161319 IMG_20121228_161305 an abstract acrylic painting ,music,2012Artist Talk flyer no

Artist Talk & Art Therapy Workshop June 25, 2013 at TAE: The Art Experience in Pontiac MI

I have been invited to host an Artist Talk and Art workshop on recovery in mental health using Artwork. This Artist Talk & Art Therapy workshop includes a presentation and a watercolor demonstration, along with an art making opportunity for those in attendance. It will be June 25,2013, from 6pm-8pm at The Art Experience, 175 S. Saginaw, ste #109 , Pontiac Mi To register please go to their website, at http://www.theartexperience.org and click on the tab listed as summer schedule of classes. Tickets are only $20 each for this session and the cost includes art supplies. They ask if you register please do so in advance by at least 6/18/13. I will be doing a presentation based on living with bipolar disorder and how that has impacted my life as an artist/art-therapist. Then there will be a short Q &A-followed by two different watercolor resist techniques. Last the participants will be invited to create their own works on art based on these techniques. Suggested Age range is 15 years and up.Artist Talk flyer no Flyer Art Talk no 4 copy flyer artist talk 6.25.13 TAE version 2 I will also have some copies of my paperback books for sale, most will be just $10, the other 2 my Art before words, and my memoirs on bipolar will be $15. I would be willing to sign them if you like.

Her ugly limited view of god

IMAG0907 (1)My sister and i

were on the telephone,

when i mentioned my husband and self-

maybe seeking an annulment

in order to get a portion of my social security

benefits restored.

She was furious with me.

She gave me a huge angry lecture,

citing the importance of Love,

and the sanctity of marriage.

It come out of nowhere,

this fright train of outrage.

She stream-rolled me, with

I would not end my marriage-

over such a small amount of money Emily.

this she said with words made of bees

not of honey….her quick judgement of me.

This extra amount of money would be

in fact quite insignificant to my sister.

Yet compared to us and all of our struggles;

Her and her husband live on the high horse-

She herself has never even acquired a

4 year bachelors degree-yet she has made it-

achieving much, in the world of hospital administration.

She was lucky to achieve so much with so little education-

just the sweat of her brow and making it up the

food chain by sheer hard work and lots of luck.

Myself, I hold a high school diploma, a bachelors degree in Fine Arts,

and a Masters Degree in Education: Art Ed and Art Therpy-

I also hold an unraveling mind

trapped beneath the glass,

of mental illness.

I too, have worked very hard for everything that life has given me.

The difference of course, is i roughly earn

only 6,000$ per year from ssdi.

She I am sure earns well over 50,000$

plus her spouse also works-he is a republican,

a private businessman.

My spouse works too, yet barely above

the minimum wage. He cuts meat for a living,

a honest job-yet does not count as high paying.

I do not consider us to be “greedy”people.

I also do not consider us to be”godless”.

he is an atheist and I am Wiccan.

She was attacking me,

verbally on the grounds of the sanctity of marriage & her ugly limited,

view of her God-not mine-not understanding-

I no longer follow her bible-

the law she swallows,

things we were taught as small children.

These beliefs instilled in her outrage,

that i could consider ending a loving marriage

just to earn a increase in monthly benefits…

She has not walked a mile in my shoes.

She does not understand how difficult it can be-

to subside on only $6,000 for an entire year.

Yes, I am married.

Yes, I do love my husband.

But is it wrong for me to want better for us?

When i have been looking for even a part-time job,

for over 18 months….

had countless interviews,

but no callbacks…

is it wrong for me to end a formality,

a paper contract between he and i,

that would increase my SSDI benefits,

by over double the amount they are now?

Is it fair to my husband,

that he pay for everything

and I do not pay my share?

She advised me to simply quit smoking.

This is a brilliant idea-

I often encounter by non-smokers.

As if it were simply that easy to stop?

Besides even if I did quit that would only free up 350-400$ per month.

Nothing like, the over $800 in benefits, i lost

by marrying my heart, true love, the man of my dreams.

At the time, I did not think losing,

all that money would be so hard.

At the time, just over 2 years ago,

I thought i would earn a nice income-

from a masters degree in art therapy.

but i did not.

and now, my older sister berates me,

on the importance of the sanctity of marriage,

and the strength of marriage vows.

Please do not beat me up with guilt,

over your limited and narrow definition of God.

That is not my God nor my Goddess.

We believe in separate things entirely.

Your ugly, limited view of God and all that

that must contain.

Beating me up with the Religion of my childhood,

Trying to prevent me from committing an unknown sin.

Your God is not my God.

My God does not sit upon a shelf,

trapped between ivory pages

of a little yet well known book-

that is used in many purposes to do more harm than good.

marriage counseling and fixing whats not right:

My husband and self, both have many-yet different-emotional scars from our own childhoods.

Sometimes these differences really tear us apart.

I have my reasons-which i will not disclose here-(read my memoirs recalled madness: a personal account of manic-depressive illness by Emily Sturgill 2013-available off Amazon.com for more specific details-)

Anyways, i have my reasons, that

if somebody physical grabs me in anger or is violent at all,

during an argument, i will pretty much cut that person out of my life completely.

If that sounds insane or extreme, I apologize.

However, it is based on how i was raised-that a man should never hit a woman,

nor lay his hands upon her, while in a state of anger/violence.

This is a well-known trigger of mine, that my husband,

has mistakenly set off on separate occasions.

 

For his part- part of his past were living with parents,

who argued/screamed and yelled everyday.

Thus, his trigger is arguing. When and if we argue,

and he feels bad enough to yell or scream – he tries to grab me,

and force me to listen.

 

The intimidation of being grabbed

in anger really sets me off,

i never call the police or press charges.

i simply go into flight or flee mode.

 

i pack my shit and leave.

persons without a history,

of childhood abuse, physical violence,

in my case both parents equally were messed up

until 7th grade when my Dad sought therapy.

 

My mom did not go into therapy until i was 18.

So i don’t even wanna go there-she was also bipolar.

She is the one, i take the most after.

Dad had OCD among other issues.

 

But after he got got help, things were better

for a time-at least better he and I.

Mom was another story entirely.

 

Anyways, about 2 weeks ago,

i was feeling threatened physically by my husband,

so after discussion with 4 different older strong women

in my life i decided to go stay at

a battered woman’s shelter.

 

Because today is the 2 year anniversary

of our wedding and because he apologized

between 5-7 times, i agreed to comeback home.

 

its a work in progress.

but im hopeful , since he’s agreed

to attend therapy his own self-

and face some of his own inner demons.

 

 

 

 

 

Tears fill my eyes leaking out at the corners…

Tears fill my eyes, leaking out at the corners…

is the love i thought i knew,

the love i thought i had with you.

 

Did you ever really love me?

Are you even capable of that?

now, that i have escaped both your grasp,

and your liars heart…

i can listen to my inner voice inside

my head, warning me that you

 

are a very dangerous man indeed.

warning me to not fall for the pity-trap.

to close my ears while you say,please.please.please.

Listen, i will change.

 

and I guess in all this time;

to your credit, you did change

except its for the worst.

 

How did i fall for this?

Was i really so desperate,

for anybody to love me-that

i settled for you???

 

Somebody who loves to love,

and somebody who hates that which

he loves, as a vicious abusive-controlling

mind game.

 

it hurts me deeply-

to realize now after 13 years,

i never knew the real you.

 

it was all stage lightening and fake drama.

you were always an actor,

playing a part,

yet also a wolf lunging for my heart.

 

You could paint a nice story

with words alone. My family adored you.

But they were without all the facts.

 

And i was too scared to tell them on you.

the emotional, mental abuse was more often

then the physical stuff.

 

Despite my Daddy telling me, “Do not ever let a man put his arms on you in anger.”

“Don’t ever let a man hit you.”

Despite these facts-i choose only to see your halo.

The one i gave to you.

 

If only i would have stared harder-

i would have seen it as broken, rusty

an obtusity.

the hidden truth

the hidden truth,

is that which haunts me…

everybody thought we were the perfect happy couple…

and I? how could I explain to our friends-our loved ones-

about The Dark Times….

about the hidden Truth?

That i married a classic-type of abuser.

That my beloved husband,

who i “loved” dearly was not only less than ideal,

but i was paranoid fearful of his anger. Of his angry outbursts.

That frequently, i felt unsafe, even during lovemaking.

I was scared he may attempt to kill me.

And i do not know why.

the fear seemed irrational, like another delusion of my bipolar mind.

Until a day two weeks ago where he admitted to “fantasies”?? I’m not sure what you would call then,”ideas” or “plans”?

That if his life ever got bad enough, he would fall back on the notion

of a murder-suicide.

by the way by murder-he meant me specifically and suicide

i guess was for him-not only was this a horrifying thing to say to the one woman who loves you-

it also helped me reach the realization, i was in constant danger.

 

I’ve been hiding out at a battered woman’s shelter.

i finally feel safe again.

it took some skill even in getting here because i had no money and no car.

but i finally made it Saturday afternoon.

 

I blame myself for not leaving sooner.

but in oh-too-many ways it was easier to stay.

 

i am grateful now, for my infertility issues.

that saves me from a lifetime of interaction

with a husband who is crazy.

 

I am so very devastated-that it had to-end this way,

but it was only getting worse.  Now i am facing loved ones with the Hidden Truth.

they do not understand how hard it is to admit….you are a victim.

that somebody scares you half to death.

that this man you “loved” is merely a shadow of his true self,

the side made up of complete anger and irrational darkness.

 

 

Negative Review

Well I just started this blog back in Nov 2012. I first began self-publishing poetry and artist chapbooks in Jan 2013. Since then I have written nine more books-for a total of ten. Eight of my book are poetry and Artist chapbooks. One is a personal memoir, on battling mental illness most of my life and my latest book focuses mostly on just my artwork-only a small sample.

For more info on my books you can visit : http://sexinthekitchensink.wix.com/books-by-emily or visit my Authors page at Amazon.com.

That link is http://www.amazon.com/author/emilysturgill

Up until this point, I have only had 3 different readers write reviews of my books and all were blessed for me, very very positive.

Today however I got my first negative review. It was on my memoirs which are still currently free to download if this has any interest to you. It can be directly downloaded here: http://www.amazon.com/Memoirs-Recalled-Madness-ebook/dp/B00C145EOU/ref=la_B00B1GC5LY_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1369016341&sr=1-3

This is day 3 of my 5 day promo. The negative review was very harsh, even though as an Artist, and a person with a B.F.A-I have a semi-thick skin-all those artist critiques….ahhh…gotta be professional and maintain distance to your work. I also recently, about a year ago received a Masters of Education Degree, with a Major in Art ed and a concentration in Art Therapy. Grad school is no-cake-walk. Writing a Masters Level thesis is not easy. So I think I write pretty decent or why else would i be bothering to write at all??

To write this blog, to write 10 books in 4 months…Her review cited many grammar errors, and she claimed she could not read past the first ten pages due to said errors, and obviously I need a professional editor…she called my memoirs a “train-wreck.”

I do not know the motives of this person, but I am currently permanently disabled due to a serious mental illness and sustain myself on a mere 525$ per month. I have no money for a professional editor. I would rather be judged on the content of my story then punctuation-if my writing was a “train-wreck.” then they would have never allowed me to graduate from a University’s Master’s Program. I have had 151 free downloads in 3 days-how horrid could my writing possibly be?

I do encourage reader reviews very much, even if they are bad because that motivates me to improve my writing skills and techniques.

But I am feeling so defensive, upset and broken-hearted I cannot see straight, I’m sure by tomorrow I will re-evaluate, that nobody including myself is perfect and besides that is merely one person’s point of view. 4 reviews-3 were great but one was devastating.

I am hoping that maybe some of you downloaded it and will read it and decided to write a different sort of review. Perhaps my story will touch your heart or touch you someplace deep inside, where you could relate?

But to negate, an entire 83 page book, based on some comma errors, or misplaced hyphens in the first ten pages seems ridiculous to me. I’m embarrassed, shamed and very angry too. She bought the paperback version-apparently. So she spent $15.99 +shipping and handling + taxes-and she cannot bear to read past the first ten pages-not because my story sucks-but because you do not like where I placed my commas?? Really? If I buy a book, then I’m gonna read it-eventually no matter what-and I do not write reviews of things I downloaded or purchased from Amazon if I did not even read the whole thing…WTH?

Maybe I’m just uber-bipolar-crazy-sensitive  but this is the review she gave me -what do you guys think-is this a helpful review??

stomer Reviews

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Most Helpful Customer Reviews
2.0 out of 5 stars Atrocious Grammar! May 19, 2013
By Ashley
Format:Paperback
This story itself seems okay–considering the fact that I didn’t finish the book–but after reading the first ten pages and finding dozens of grammatical, punctuational, and even typographical errors, I simply cannot continue to read this English language train wreck. It is painfully clear that nobody edited this book. I don’t consider myself to be an expert in the field of grammar and punctuation, but when I cannot concentrate on a plot due to the multitude of errors, then there is a problem. Em dashes, semicolons, and commas are all incorrectly used, just to name a few glaring examples. Please consider this my appeal to the author to have corrections made, then re-release your book.

New Age-funk

I am trapped into,

a New Age Funk…

ever since I was only 15 years old.

I have the strangest sect of beliefs,

my thoughts on Religion is very polytheist-rather than atypical,

monotheism -despite being raised, “a good christian girl.”

Something inside me; melted and changed,

into beliefs of the ways of the old, the Ancients.

Superstitious views of three-folded ways,

Mysticism, Pagan, Wiccan, Zen-I get lost in theologies.

I married an Atheist.

Certain things seem so real to me,

yet others find them

so damn far out.

Karma, Reincarnation, Ghosts, Astral Projection,

Crystal Gazing, Candle Magick, Tarot Cards,

E.S.P. Strange dreams,de ja vu, other things which i care

not to even try to explain.

Sometimes, I just know stuff,

and some of its quite bizarre…

yet my intuition is composed entirely,

of mere hunches,

of things I somehow know or knew or thought i knew.

I’m trapped inside a New-Age Funk.

It’s not bad in here, just kinda surreal.

I’m almost 40 years old,

so at this point these beliefs are not going to alter,

or shift much.

Part of it is very comforting and reassuring.

But the other part, feels like I’m not living up to my

end of the bargin. There are gifts or talents I may or

may not even have, yet I refused to use them.

I let them sit on a dusty shelf,

right behind my outter-skin-layer

of “crazy”.Spirituality, acrylic and sand on canvasboard 1996

My other blog

http://dirtyfilthybutterflyblues.blogspot.com/

This is my other blog. I do not write on it nearly often enough. I am rather “hooked” on wordpress.com Primarily because, I do get more feedback on this blog and more traffic and more attention…but yesterday I wrote something kinda sorta good on the other blog. The post was called,”Nervous Nelly.”

And Here it is:

Nervous Nelly by Emily Sturgill

5/18/13

 

Nerves of steel,

turned to jelly-what has happened to me?

The Scattered Strung out Capital

Letter “S” fell

right off my chest.

 

Now I have become nothing more –

nor nothing less,

than a nervous nelly,

a girl put to a test.

 

I wonder why I bother,

to write such dribble-drabble,

that’s likely as all sorts

of hell,

to get me into trouble.

 

I worried what people will think or feel,

when they read what I have written.

I question myself, my sanity, and my writer’s ability…

 

So much, is just never thought out,

I’m a bit like the faucet,

that never finishes dripping out.

I dribble,dangle, words

into something reductive.

 

a subtraction of emotion,

a fraction of truth, and than

what else???

 

The “S” fell off my chest so very long ago…

I doubt it was ever really there.

Nobody’s superhero-lately,

just another crazy-lady.

 

One who talks too much,

and shouts crap from the roof-tops,

and cobweb corners and such

a mumbling muttering crazy old hag.

 

A bag of flesh and bones,

drifting upon a sea of words,

best left unspoken,

 

but deep inside of me,

there lies,

an utter and angry bitch

 

and she does and says what-ever,

when-ever, she wants too,

not much I can do to rein her in,

my bipolar drugs/meds they help,

to a bit to calm her inner storms.

 

yet still deep within, she’s an angry bad girl.

and I am a nervous nelly.

Writing down so many secrets from

my head.

 

What will people say? What will they think? And how will they feel?

Is it too personal to admit,

I do go crazy from time to time.

at least i don’t live there anymore.Acrylic mixed media pumice gel painting 1996 canvasboard Self-portrait photo may 2013Picture 94Spirituality, acrylic and sand on canvasboard 1996