Today, I am tired of the tug and fight.
Between myself and I,
over how I am going to spend my time?
And if I am going to crash soon-
taking a nap? or if I am going to make some kind of art?
or will i read books?
I am so sick of this fight, this tug of war,
between my depressed side and
my manic-laughing hyena side?
I feel like I must be Dr,Jekyll and Mr.Hyde.
I cannot decide which impulses to follow;
do i do something crazy, yet grand, like drawing
a wonderful piece of art, in charcoal or pastels or even crayons?
Or do i tilt my hand-all aces-how grand!
Do I just take another anxiety med and sleep off
all the lame boring excitement,
of trying to create a manuscript or poems or paintings,
or bead another un-bought necklace-which only i will wear?
Tired of the tug and fight.
I want middle ground.
I just took another lithium about an hour ago.
I want all the stability that an entire
Starship fleet of doctors
once promised me.
I always take my meds,
but eventually they stop working-
or just real-life shit problems happen,
and stress me out,
so that my medicines stop working.
i try to be the ideal patient.
Still I remain a hybrid of Dr .Jekyll and Mr.Hyde.
So tired of the tug and fight….useless.
blame it on the weather-
or blame it on the stupid tug and fight,
right in the ass,