Confusion eclipses me

Confusion eclipses me.

i did not leave you, after-all, in spite of myself;

i still am in love with you.

i want to work things out.

My damn period is three days late…

the test read negative again, but my body feels pregnant…

i do not trust myself-is it just wishful thinking?

or some sort of bipolar-fucked up delusion???

is that even what i want anymore, or will this house built of cards, fall down….

Confusion eclipses me.

you worry for my mental state.

usually when i pack my bags and try to run away from you-

it’s a dead give-away of a mania…

but i think this time is different.

and all these troubles cannot just be pushed,

shoved under a dirty rug.

even you admit, these problems are real-

i’m not making it up…

it’s an ongoing ordeal.

it’s highly ironic that these troubles,

do not stem from us, or our love or our relationship.

these are dysfunctional family issues-

your addict junkie brother, your enabling mother.

the constant tug and war

in this roof i live under.

You’ve agreed to be my hero,

and try this time, at least to try, to attempt

to change these things.

it is something which surprises me.

but in a brilliant, cautious, yet happy way. 

i did not think you would stand by me,

like this, i thought you would tell me to just

get my shit and leave.

people often say blood is thicker than water…

i did not want to make you choose..

which one am i to you, as your wife?

am i blood or water? Or am i a little bit of each?

i hope you can fix this. not an’s just i feel on the brink.

Something’s gotta give, before i sink

and fall over the edge.

i do not want to give others the power to ruin our marriage-

or even worse hand them the power,

to make me lose my mind again.


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