I grew up with two mentally ill parents.
My mother was the Manic-Depressive,
but Darling Dad was the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder-Type.
I like to think I take after them both.
I like to think somewhat, I am nothing like either one of them,
I get most of my crazy from my Mommy,
that’s just how the chips were stacked against me.
Keeping this in mind, however, I do have
certain quirks or obsessive traits just like my Father.
One, fine fault, is I can never completely let go-of the past-of
MY very own past, and the people who once were important in it-
no matter how briefly.
It makes no sense to me,
perhaps it is my Artist side, to obsess to focus exclusively,
on past acquaintanceship, friendship, or romantic entanglements.
Sometimes, i feel as though I am under,
someone’s else’s spell,
some voodoo monster-minotaur,
vulture, preacher,saint, and sinner-
Some damned Fool!!
Like the Start of Every Journey,
in the Tarot Deck begins with Zero,
and the Major Arcana begins with The Fool.
a Fool’s journey-
from here to there,
no-place, nowhere and everywhere in between.
I get stuck in the soft even spaces,
in the corners of my
crumbling ruins of a
very lost mind.
I get stuck on notions of persons,
I once had knew…
and to me (well yes, because i am crazy) these memories, feel like mere moments ago,
although its been 20 years or more or less,
I cannot guess.
I try to do the easy math you add-
the people who stay with you for the long haul,
are the ones who matter most….
still there are times,
when i become,
haunted by ghosts,
from so very long ago-
feeling an obsessive, excessive, amour
for a single stranger or two, who I once shared
an agape, platonic, type of friendship for…
nothing makes sense anymore.
I realize I am happily married….
but occasionally my mind torments itself-
with these useless haunting’s
of Ghosts they have simply refused to
vacant my premises, pack up their night bags, leave
my mind in tact,
and go away.
And, I feel it’s definitely all one-sided,
my own fault, for obsessing in this way-
for some strange Fool, who would now,
never stop to even give me-
the time of day.