feeling awful

feeling awful

dreading tomorrow…

have another MRI;

scheduled for renal masses,

bilateral poly-cystic renal masses

PKD, various word-soup

that says all sorts of

invisible maladies

are fighting inside me.

And, later on in May-

I’m off to the Nephrologist’s office.

a 25 cent word meaning-

kidney specialist or kidney doctor…

This month,

my Endometriosis has also been killing me.

The pain is way too intense-

and my periods been,

so entirely,

fucked up; i am starting to wonder,

if the miracle happened,

and i got pregnant again?

So extremely, terrified of just

about everything at this point.

pregnancy or kidney disease or kidney cancer,

a roll of the dice,

my Fate will tell me

what is wrong.

My MRI is scheduled for tomorrow

night at 7:50 pm EST.

I’m feeling awful

about everything…as much as we want children,

I already have 2 miscarriages,

under my belt,

only been pregnant by the same man,

He’s my husband now,

but i do worry,

we have different RH factors.

people say its no big deal-yet it sounds

like one. Basically he has positive blood type,

mine is negative. 85% of the population does

have positive blood types. My concern

is if we do get pregnant again and our

baby has positive blood which is more common,

my body would attack the baby

and abort it.

They do have shots they can give the mother to prevent

that from happening.

Our different RH factors,

may have nothing to do with;

my previous miscarriages.

I’m just scared. I’m getting too old-almost 39-

really would not want to lose

another baby, not this time.

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