feeling half-whole

IMG_20130330_093258

Its unreal.
My sister just called, she,
has worked in hospitals
the past 20 or so odd years.
I had emailed her,
about my CT results.
She sounded concerned, catious, yet
overly optimistic.

she is probably in denial,
about the obvious fact,
that there is something
fucked up with both
of my kidneys right now &

the lingering suspect,
is that there is a definate
possiblity of kidney cancer.

That is probably not the type,
of conversation,
she wanted to be having with her,
baby sister-6.5 years younger.

She cautioned me not,
to get ahead of myself,
just like my Dad and my husband.

But deep down i know,
something serious is going on,
trying to prepare my loved ones,
for the worst case scenario.

but they do not want to believe
me, and that’s ok for now.
they can believe what they like.

I just know, deep down;
I am only half-whole.

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