Damn it all,
as determined as I was NOT to go.
the PAIN won,
and I became undone.
I found myself at 4pm-home alone-
except for a sickly mother-in-law.
she had a car, My car was at the husbands
place of employment.
I has no choice, doubled up in pain, screaming & crying,
moaning even. I had to ask the heart patient, with
high blood pressure and emotional issues-
to drive me to an ER,
I was there five hours,
2.5 of which i was gasping to/
breathe in between screams./
they were nice enough/
I was a wild mess.
They ordered a CT scan,
they found multiple issues,
ones I had known about for almost 3 years/
tried to ignore.
scary words-like legions/renal masses/
renal cysts/poly-cystic right kidney/
and the oh-to-familiar,
chocolate ovarian cyst/ right ovary.
Then the referrals to:
multiple doctors/my primary/a urologist/
a kidney specialist-(which sounded a lot like nerf-ball)
-a nerfologist, a obgyn-(again)…even a neurologist.
they were not even referrals more like directions/
listed in my discharge summary…
All I can think is will I really need my kidney removed?
And neoplasm -just a 10 cent word for cancer-,
mu husband says think small, think biopsy, do not get/
ahead of yourself.
After all those hours screaming and crying,
its not to hard to get a head,
sooner or later,
one day I might just be