Depression

Dear Depression,

you are like my imaginary friend-everyone pretends is not real.

i am so frustrated, how many people underscore  your devastating effects/affects on persons with severe depression. True, in my unique case of the -bi-polar, over the years my manias have become much more worse, than my depressions. But that does not mean, i forgot about you or my friends who live with clinical and serious forms of uni-polar illness, also known as Major Depressive disorder or Great Depressive Disorder.

I’m just sick and absolutely amazed how many, persons that I know, who should know better but do not. Many of them still swear to the old adage,”pull yourself up by the boot strings.” or such. I was just informed by one of my relatives, that i simply, do not “get it” and that there is no magic cure or pill to swallow. This is one of the same persons always telling me to stay on my bipolar meds, and that i will need those the rest of my Life.

She’s probably right, that i just don’t “get it.” or that i am,”missing the point.” I am sorry but i have too many long-time friends, 20 yrs or more with persons who do have depression and must take pills, called anti-depressants, so that they don’t dive into the deep end again.

Why, can people, understand the bipolar-my illness-so much easier then the other? Depression can be very serious even fatal.People kill themselves all the time. It does not help when people boast about “getting your shit together” or”pulling your self together.”

I’ve been to both places. I have even tried attempting suicide once or twice.

It’s not a pretty thing to discuss, but it is much worse to ignore. To pretend that 4-6 hr crying jags non-stop are normal, or not getting dressed or showered for days on end, or becoming obsessed, with death is perfectly natural or normal, bothers me greatly.When i am truly depressed, i may sleep 12 hrs everyday-never leave my bed-stop eating-have trouble making even the simplest choices. Have an almost impossible inability to commit to any social plans….My sppech becomes what the doctors call”retarded” meaning very slow speech, patterns, long pauses, frequent ums, and i do not know…the tears, they never stop and they start without warning and if you ask my why i am crying, i really cannot tell you because i do not know. Those are the types of depressions i have had, and i have friends with similar episodes…one friend does not have health insurance and whenever she can not afford to go back to the dr to get her dose refilled of a popular anti-depressant-Lexaopro-she starts to lose her mind all over again and then she waits until it gets so bad she cannot function then she will finally invest the money to get more pills. It’s very heart-breaking to watch, her spin out of control. There is no way, she could just,”snap” out of it. Or “get her head together.”

I really hate when people act like they are experts on a subject, they really have never experienced. No, being sad is not the same. No, being briefly depressed because you lost a job or pension is not the same thing.

The Unipolar-Depressive Illness, is caused by a chemical reaction in the brain.Yes, there are”magic” pills that do in fact help or work. Obviously, whatever, you went through, it was not this severe. You are the one who “does not get it.”

But, I am not going to bother explaining it to you.

I think your mind is already made up, anyhow, just surprised and disappointed in how ignorant you of all people are on this topic. I thought you would know better. That really bums me out.

 

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