yule tide cheer

I just spent at least 3-4 hours baking cookies for my nieces and nephew.I have been with their uncle 12 years now and they have grown up before my eyes. The youngest is almost 16.

I do not know whatever possessed me to start baking. It is not normally my thing. I am entirely wore out now. I made chocolate chip cookies last night, along with peanut butter candies and peanut butter chocolate bars. Today, it was spice cookies from scratch from a recipe i found on http://www.allrecipes.com. It took all day! I started around one o’clock p.m. and did not finish till 4:30.p.m. I guess, i just wanted to do something for them, which would be from me personally. There is a total of 5 nieces and two nephews but, 2 of the nieces and 1 of the nephews we hardly see anymore since their parents got divorced.So I just made cookies for the 4 that i do see. And made a cookie baggie for my younger brother-he’s 30 now, but i still think of him as my baby brother.

Christmas and Thanksgiving are big times for getting my mother in law bummed out. My husbands family and extended family is huge, and she just cannot accept why everybody does not like everyone else. So I am hoping that this year she has a small bit of happiness. She told me, privately, that everybody better come this year because she may not be alive for another Christmas. She says stuff like that a lot-especially to me. She does have some major health issues, a history of heart attacks, a stent, thyroid issues and diabetes 2. She is only 62 though and very prone to being overly dramatic. I suspect she has been suffering for Major Depression, ever since her husband died in 2006. She has survivors guilt big time. She feels guilty that he was the one who passed.Cancer is an ugly beast. Not too much to say. They were married 42 years. She got married young only was 15.She has been a bit lost since his death.I really doubt that this will be her last Christmas.

I tried to tell her, you never know when your time is up.I said you may live another 15 years.I don’t know how to help her-she seems to take pride in being miserable and finding fault with everyone. Still, she has a big and giving heart. She loves her family very much. She is just deep down very sad, that the great love of her life is gone. 

I do not know what to say. It is like the big elephant in the room. He’s gone, and everyone misses him-but they really do not say much. I miss him too. He was my friend.


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